I want you to want me
by JoScarlett
Summary: ' I had learned a few things in my short, but oh, so colorful life. The biggest one being: Do not fall in love! Period! I guess I hadn't learned my lesson. ' Edward is just another geek that everybody tries to ignore. Bella is the new girl in school, but she comes with a lot of baggage. What will happen when they run into each other? Lemons in later chapters!
1. Start over

_**A/N: Hi - just another story because I've got a lot of ideas. Please tell me what you think - if this is worth continuing or anything. It's a little different from my other stories, but I really wanted to try this as well. So, tell me what you think and leave a review! **_

_**Disclaimer: SM owns everything. **_

_**POV'S: Bella. **_

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_**Prologue.**_

_I had learned a few things in my short, but oh, so colorful life. _

_Number 1: Don't try to jump a rope and ride a bike at the same time. It doesn't work._

_Number 2: Keep your big mouth shut when dealing with authorities. You won't win.  
Number 3: Don't show your weaknesses. People will abuse you. _

_Number 4: Don't sell your xanax to people unless you want to end up in jail._

_Number 5: And last, but definitely not least – DO NOT FALL IN LOVE! PERIOD! _

_Those rules seemed easy enough to follow, until I was forced to move and 'start over' as my mom and step-father had put it. Now, I had definitely learned my lesson on number 1. Those injuries were enough to keep me from trying that again. _

_But, apparently, I hadn't learned my lesson when it came to all my other rules. Did I regret the decisions I had made in the last couple of months? No, I couldn't say I did. Would it have been better if I had followed my rules? Definitely! _

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_Bella's POV._

'' Bella, it's not the end of the world! '' my mom said, folding her arms across her chest and frowning at me. '' This will be a good thing. You can start over. ''

'' Who says I want to? '' I shouted back, glaring at my mom and Phil, my step-dad.

'' I think you have proven by now that you need a new start, '' Phil said, running his hand through his hair. '' You, and we too for that matter, have dealt with enough these last couple of months. We have discussed this already. ''

How typical of him to bring all that shit up. I didn't need the reminder, I hadn't forgotten. Believe me, I had tried to forget, but I hadn't been lucky so far. I wasn't surprised. Good luck tended to avoid me.

'' Don't bring that shit up! '' I shouted at him now. He merely looked at me and didn't respond.

'' Bella, Jacksonville will be great! It's not like your leaving anything behind, '' my mom said, packing up the last of her things and closing the box.

And thanks for reminding me mom.

'' I'm not moving to fucking Florida of all places, '' I fumed, folding my arms across my chest and stamping my feet like a little child. '' You know, people die there! ''

My mom rolled her eyes at me and lifted the box. '' You're being ridiculous. People die everywhere and you'll get used to the humidity. ''

'' No, I won't, because I'm not going! ''

'' You don't have a choice, '' my mom responded. '' We're moving anyway and you can't stay here. ''

'' Oh, yes I can! I won't pack my stuff. ''

'' You don't have to, '' my mom said, a smug look on her face now. '' I've already done that for you, since you just got out of the hos- ''

'' Stop reminding me! '' I shouted again. God, what was the matter with these people?

'' Can't you just be happy for Phil? He got a great offer. ''

I groaned and ran my fingers through my hair. She was missing the point, as always. I was happy for Phil, of course I was. It was a great offer, like she said. It was the chance of a lifetime for him, I was aware of that. But why did it have to be in Florida? I tried to calm myself down.  
'' I am, mom, '' I said, trying to be reasonable for a change. '' I just don't see myself living in Florida of all places. '' I spit out the word 'Florida'.

'' You can make some new friends and start over, '' my mom said, looking at me now. '' Really, this will be a good thing for you. Look, things happened. I know. But you've got to move on and you know that. You can see this as the perfect opportunity. No reminders or anything. A fresh start. You know what doctor Anderson said. ''

I groaned again and stomped out of the room. I didn't want to talk about that anymore. I guess I was fighting a losing battle. Of course I was. I was fighting against authorities, and that was on my list of rules.

_Keep your big mouth shut when dealing with authorities. You won't win. _

That's why it was on the list. It applied to every situation and never failed to annoy the hell out of me.

So, that's how I found myself moving to Florida of all places. They could have just opened a crack in the earth and thrown me in. I'm pretty sure hell had it's perks.

Hell, I've lived there already, so at least I knew what to expect.

This was worse. I stared dejectedly out the window of the car, refusing to say a damn word to anyone. I wasn't in the mood for chitchat. I just wanted to mope and sulk like any normal teenager.

I took out my I-pod and turned the volume up to drown out my mom's lovey-dovey pop songs. I searched through my lists until I found the one I had been looking for.

I had had a lot of time to organize these things the last couple of months.

I put the list on shuffle and stared out the window again. The first song that came on was immediately a nice reminder.

_**Pain- Three Days Grace. **_

Nice. Yes, I was a curse and a reminder at the same time.

_Pain, without love.  
Pain, can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

_Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all. _

I didn't know how I felt about this song. Like I said, it was a curse and a reminder at the same time. I'd had my fair share of pain. Caused by both others and myself.

I looked down at my arms when the chorus blared through my headphones again and sighed. Yes, I saw every scar on my arms and knew why they were there. Some people got tattoos that reminded them of the things that had happened.  
I had my scars. I had a love-hate relationship with pain. It had been my companion and my enemy at the same time, and it still was.

I suddenly felt something against my shoulder and I turned my head.

My little sister had fallen asleep and her head rested against my shoulder.

I let out another sigh and smiled down at her. I may hate a lot of things in my life, but I loved my little sister. Little Abby was only five years old and she was my light at the end of very long and dark tunnel. I had put her through hell the past couple of months, not being able to be there for her. She was too young to understand what was going on. I had promised myself I would never fail her again.  
I didn't care about much anymore, but little Abby was different.

I stared out the window again and saw the sign that said: Welcome to Jacksonville.

I guess there was no turning back now. I hated this place already and I was still in the car. I could feel the heath and the humidity creeping up on me. My legs were sticky and I tried to move them apart. Disgusting.

Phil parked the car on our new driveway and I looked up at our new house. I was bigger than the one back in Arizona, but that wasn't a surprise.

I turned my I-pod off and gave Abby a little nudge. She sat up slowly and rubbed her eyes with her fists.

I got out of the car and looked at the house in front of me. I let out a sigh and scowled at everything in sight. Like I said, I just want to mope and sulk like a normal teenagers. I didn't get to feel that way very often.

'' What do you girls think? '' Phil called, gesturing toward the house. I didn't respond.

'' It's great, sweetheart, '' my mom said, wrapping one arm around his waist.

'' What do you think Abby? '' Phil said, smiling down at his little girl.

'' It's so big! '' Abby exclaimed, throwing her arms in the air.

'' Bella? '' he asked.

I put on my sunglasses and turned around to look at him. '' It's... whatever, '' I managed to say. My mom threw me a stern look and I turned around again.

Phil opened the door and gave us a tour of the house. All our stuff was already there and I tried not to break my neck on all the boxes we ran into.

I stomped my way upstairs and lingered in the hallway while Phil and mom showed Abby her new bedroom.

I looked around and noticed another flight of stairs. I turned around without them noticing and climbed the stairs up to the next level. It only had three rooms and one of them was another bathroom. I looked at the other two rooms, but they were still empty.

'' What do you think? '' Phil asked suddenly. I gasped and swirled around, clutching my heart.

'' Don't creep up on me like that! '' I gasped, massaging my chest. He chuckled and shook his head.

'' So? What do you think? '' He asked again, pointing at the two rooms.

I knew what he meant. '' One of them is mine? '' I asked.

'' Both of them are yours, '' he corrected. I looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

He walked into one of the rooms and I had been wrong before. The rooms weren't empty. At least, this one wasn't. I looked at the corner of the room and noticed my drawings and painting material.

'' I thought it made a nice painting room for you, '' he said quietly, running his fingers through his hair. It was a nervous habit of him.

'' Are you serious? '' I blurted out, scanning the room again. It was a great room, I couldn't deny that.

'' Sure, '' he said, a little awkwardly. '' If you want to. ''

I bit my lip and looked around the room again. My eyes rested on my paintings and I was lost in thought for a minute. '' I don't know, '' I finally managed to answer.

'' That's okay, '' he said, putting his hand on my shoulder. '' It's yours to keep anyway , no matter what you decide. ''

'' Thanks, Phil, '' I said after a minute, hugging him now.

'' No problem, kiddo, '' he said, kissing the top of my head. He walked out of the room again and left me alone with my thoughts.

I walked over to a few of my old paintings and studied them. I had always loved to paint and draw, but things had changed so much these last couple of months. I wasn't sure I wanted to do that anymore.

I walked out of the room and entered my soon to be bedroom. I looked at the corner and noticed that most of my stuff had already been brought up as well.

I didn't want to think about all the things that had happened and settled for unpacking my stuff in order to keep myself occupied. I took out my I-pod again and started shifting through all the boxes. I was vaguely aware that Phil entered my room at some point to add my bed and desk to my room, but I tried to ignore him. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts, even though I didn't really like my thoughts most of the time. I guess I also had a love-hate relationship with them. I managed to unpack most of my things before dinner.

* * *

'' Sweetheart, don't forget school tomorrow, '' my mom said during dinner.

I grumbled and stuffed my mouth with some mac and cheese. Yes, how could I forget. She had reminded me a million times already.

'' Bella? '' she asked. I could feel her eyes on me and it seemed I couldn't ignore her any longer.

'' No, I hadn't forgotten, '' I replied, still scowling at my plate. If moving to Florida had seemed like a bad thing, I was nothing compared to how I felt about school.

I had been to school in months and I was dreading every minute of it.

'' I'm going to bed, '' I said after I had finished my dinner and put my plate in the dishwasher. '' Goodnight. ''

'' Goodnight, sweetheart, '' my mom said, frowning a little at my retreating figure.

'' Don't forget your medication! '' she called after me as a slowly made my way upstairs. I sighed, but didn't respond. No, I won't forget to take my medication either. I reached my new bedroom and grabbed my bathroom necessities of my desk. I walked into my new bathroom and paused in front of the mirror. I studied my pale reflection and sighed again. Yes, I was dreading school more than anything. I had been out of practice with the whole social aspect of live and I had never been great at it. I didn't really relate to people that well. I wasn't good at making small talk and I didn't know what there was to say regardless.

I'd had a couple of friends back home, but I hadn't talked to them in months. I would probably never see or hear from them again. I didn't even know how I felt about that.

I brushed my teeth and filled a glass of water. I rummaged inside my toiletry until I found what I was looking for. I grabbed a pill out of the little box and swallowed it with some water. I sighed at my reflection again and walked back to bedroom.

I took my clothes off and replaced them with a big baggy T-shirt. I picked a book of my shelves and turned my nightlight on. I got into bed and flipped the pages until I reached the one where I had left off.

I always read the same books before going to bed. It helped me calm down. I loved to read, but I couldn't read a new book before bed. I would be up all night until I had finished it. That's why I settled for reading Harry Potter, like always.

What can I say – I'm a sucker for those books. I guess I was a nerd in a lot of ways.

Harry had always been there for me. Even through the hard times. I tried not to think about what the next day would bring. I would continue with my senior year like nothing had happened. I guess I was lucky I had skipped a class when I was younger. It meant that the students would be my age at least.

Phil had been nice enough to buy me a new car and it was a really great car too.

I loved my new Mercedes, and I knew it had cost a few, so I was really grateful.

I managed to read a few pages before the pills killed in and I drifted off to a dreamless sleep. It was the only way to drift off to a dreamless sleep. I hated to think what would happen if I forgot those pills.

I guess I just had to see what tomorrow would bring. I just hoped I would still be alive by the end of the day.

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_**Okay, this is just the first chapter and Edward isn't in this one yet, but he will be in the next chapter when she goes to school. Please tell me what you think and leave a review. I'll update the next chapter as soon as I can.**_

X.

Jo. 


	2. First sight

**_A/N: The next chapter! Thank you so much for your reviews and reading my story ^^ In this chapter - Bella meets Edward. Yay! Please let me know what you think and leave a review! ^^_**

**_Disclaimer: SM owns it all._**

**_POV'S: Bella_**

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_Bella's POV. _

My alarm went off and I reached my hand out blindly to make it shut up. The annoying beeping noise was still ringing in my ears and I buried my head under my pillow in the hope I had imagined the horrible noise.

'' Bella, time to get up! '' my mom called after a few minutes and I groaned. It seemed I had two annoying alarms to kick me out of bed and ruin my day.

I swung my legs off the bed and sat up straight for a minute. Whoa. Head rush.

This always happened. I waited until my vision returned and stood up. I grabbed my bag of bathroom necessities and stepped into my private bathroom. I looked in the mirror and quickly moved on to something that didn't make me feel more depressed on this horrible morning. I turned the shower on and picked a towel.

I threw my shirt over my head and took my underwear off. I put my hand under the shower to make sure it was the right temperature and then stepped under the warm water. I was shivering a little because I had just woken up. I felt groggy and I felt my way through the shower until I found my shampoo.

I washed my hair in a trance-like state and then moved on to the rest of my body.

I had never been much of a morning person and it always took a while for me to wake up and gain some energy.

I turned the shower off and grabbed the towel. I had no idea what I should wear. I hadn't really thought about that yet. I dried myself off and wrapped the towel around my head to make sure my wet hair wouldn't get in the way. I grabbed my toiletry and slouched back into my bedroom.

I opened the doors of my closet and let out an involuntary yawn. I turned my head to look out the window. The sun was already up and I could feel the warmth, even inside the house. Great. I wouldn't be able to wear something with long sleeves. Perfect. Not.

I looked into one of my drawers and felt my way through all the stuff in there until I found what I had been looking for. A pair of gloves that reached up 'til my elbows. They didn't have fingers, just a separate whole for my thumb. I opened another drawer and found some shorts and a bra. I reached into my closet again and grabbed some short jeans and a baggy shirt with one of my favorite bands on the front. I dressed in a daze and put the gloves on as well. I wasn't ashamed of my scars, but this was the first day in a new school. I didn't need all the attention and awkward questions. They wouldn't seem out of place with the outfit.

I opened another door and looked at all my shoes. I took out some leather boots that reached my ankles and put them on. I stepped in front of my mirror to make sure I hadn't make a horrible mistake or had forgotten something important.

I went into the bathroom again and blow-dried my hair. I didn't feel like doing anything fancy with my hair, so I decided to let it just hang loose. I had curly, dark brown hair that hung over my shoulders. I looked into the mirror again the examine my face and frowned a little. I looked way too sleepy for my own good. I grabbed some eyeliner and mascara and tried to look more awake. I didn't use a lot of make-up. I didn't like it and I didn't need it either. My skin was very clear, something I was very grateful for. Though, my skin always looked pale, no matter how much vitamin D it managed to absorb. I looked into the mirror again and let out a sigh.

'' Well, '' I said to myself. '' This is as good as it's gonna get. '' I pulled some weird faces in the mirror, entertaining myself until my mom called that breakfast was ready. I went into my room again and grabbed my bag I had packed the night before. I dragged myself down the stairs and into the kitchen.

'' Morning, '' I mumbled, yawning again. I flopped down into one of the kitchen chairs and grabbed a bowl, milk and some cereal.

'' Morning, sunshine, '' Phil said, putting down his newspaper. '' Radiant as always. ''

'' Shut up, '' I muttered, pouring some milk over my cereal. He merely chuckled and took a sip of his coffee.

I ate my breakfast as fast as I could, not really tasting it. I was eager to get out of the house, but I didn't want to stay at this table either.

'' Be careful with that car, '' Phil said after a few minutes. '' I don't think it survives in a collision. ''

'' Yeah, '' I mumbled between bites.

'' And just be careful in general, '' my mom added, pouring some more coffee for herself and Phil. I rolled my eyes at that, but didn't respond.

'' Try to be responsible and don't go looking for trouble, '' Phil jumped in. O my god, they were acting like I was about to kill myself, or get abducted, or whatever it was that they were thinking.

'' I never look for trouble, '' I muttered, scowling at my bowl of cereal.

'' That's true, '' Phil suddenly chuckled. '' Trouble usually finds you. ''

'' You're hilarious, '' I muttered sarcastically, rolling my eyes at him.

'' I know, '' I chuckled. '' I think I may have chosen the wrong career. ''

'' Definitely, '' I agreed.

Phil was a baseball player. He had always played minor-league, but now he had a chance to play for the big leagues. That's why we had moved to this hellhole.

I knew it was a great opportunity for him, but seriously, Florida of all fucking places.

I finished the rest of my cereal and gulped down a glass of orange juice.

'' Good luck in school today, honey, '' my mom said, hugging me for a minute.

I didn't respond. What was I to say? Thanks, I'm sure everything will be fine?

I didn't think so. Like I had said, good luck tended to avoid me. I didn't think that was going to be problem this time, since my plan was to avoid everything and everyone as well. No drama, no problems, no nothing.

'' Bye, '' I mumbled when she had finally let go off me. I grabbed my bag and swung it around my shoulder. I moved toward the counter and grabbed my car keys. This would be the first time in my new car. I wasn't kind of excited about that.

'' Bye sweetheart! '' my mom called after me.

'' Bye Bella, '' Phil called, smiling at me now. '' I'm sure you'll like it here, '' he added.

Right, he didn't say that to make me feel better. He just wanted to make himself feel better. He was the one who had forced us to move here after all.

'' Bye, '' I mumbled again and I closed the front door behind me. I had been right about the weather. It was already hot and sticky. I got into my new car and started the engine. It was definitely better than my old car, and it was red, my favorite color. I guess it had something to do with the whole Harry Potter thing. I considered myself a Gryffindor, or at least, I liked to think I was. People had accepted that about me long ago. I was simply weird that way and compared everything to Harry Potter. It helped me make sense of a lot of things. Not everything though, some things would never make sense to me. I was about to drive off, but then I felt my breath hitch. Crap. My heart crashed against my chest and I started to shake a little. I knew what this meant. Another panic-attack.

I reached into my bag and grabbed a box of pills and a bottle of water.

Dr. Anderson had said that I could only use these in an emergency, because they were addicting. Like I didn't know that. I had been using them for a while now. I tried to keep the doses to a minimum though.

But this was definitely an emergency. I couldn't go to school like this. Stupid panic-attacks. I wasn't even panicked at the moment. These things just tended to take me by surprise every now and then. I tossed the pill in my mouth and gulped it down with some water. I sat there for a few minutes, trying to control my breathing.

It would go away soon, I knew that.

I started my car again after a few minutes and finally managed to drive off.

My heart calmed down again on my way to school. The trembling stopped and breathing became a little easier again. Thank god for that.

I drove into the parking lot and managed to find a good spot. It was still early so I guess I was lucky about that. Did I just say lucky? Well, there was a first for everything. I cut the engine off and took a few deep breaths again.

I got out of my car and swung my bag over my shoulder. I walked toward the main entrance, following the mass of students.

I had no idea where I was supposed to go. I guess I would have to find the reception somewhere and ask for my schedule and perhaps a map or something.

I went inside and looked around the hallway, trying to find some sort of sign.

'' Good morning! '' a high-pitched voice called. '' You must be Isabella Swan! ''

I turned around and was met with a little girl with spiky black hair. She had a huge grin plastered on her face and she was definitely invading my personal space.

I took a small step back, and frowned at her.

'' I'm Alice! '' she continued, and she grabbed my hand and shook it without waiting for an invitation. '' Alice Cullen, '' she amended.

I still didn't say anything and just looked at her with a raised eyebrow. Where did she even find the energy this early in the day?

'' Do I know you? '' I asked rudely. I wasn't in the mood for this. I needed to find the reception, so I could get my schedule.

'' Not yet, '' she said brightly. '' I'm supposed to show you around. ''

'' Show me-? '' I began, confused about her sudden hyperactive presence.

'' Yes, '' she nodded enthusiastically. '' I'm on the welcome committee. You must be looking for the reception office to find your schedule and everything. ''

'' Well, yeah, '' I mumbled a little awkwardly. '' Do you always show up like this? Right in people's faces? Out of nowhere? ''

'' Yup, '' she answered, still way to happy.

'' Well, you might wanna work on that, '' I muttered, frowning a little. '' You scared the hell out me. ''

She laughed at my expression and linked her arm with mine without asking. Yes, this girl definitely had some boundary issues.

'' Come on, I'll show you everything, '' she continued as if I hadn't spoken at all. She dragged me along and I was a little too dazed to care. My pill was finally kicking in and I felt a little woozy. It would pass in few minutes and settle for a more balanced calm.

I wasn't really paying much attention to my surroundings until I heard a crash somewhere in the hallway. I looked around, trying to find the source of this noise.

'' What's up, nerdward, '' I heard a voice shout. It was followed by another crash. It sounded like someone was being pushed against a locker. Alice stopped and since she was still clutching my arm I was also forced to stop. I swayed a little, still woozy.

'' Alice, what the-? '' I began, but then I spotted the source of the commotion.

'' Things are going to be different this year, weirdo, '' a boy with spiky blond hair said to another boy. I couldn't see his face. The blond guy was blocking my view.

'' You're brother won't be around to protect you anymore, '' the blond guy said again. He slammed his hand on something and I saw a stack of papers fly around the hallway.

'' Leave me alone, '' another voice said. It wasn't as forceful as the first voice.

The blond guy merely laughed and shoved the boy I couldn't see against the locker again.

'' Leave him alone, Mike! '' Alice suddenly shouted, glaring the blond boy.

He took a step back and turned around to look at Alice. He lifted an eyebrow and had a sneer on his face. '' What are you planning do to about it, shortie? '' he sneered, looking at Alice now. What an asshole. I looked around and saw the other boy now, but only vaguely.

I saw a pair of think black glasses and a strange hair color. Reddish-brown – copper.

The blond guy named Mike turned around again and smacked the other boy against the locker once more.

'' Don't you dare try to look at me again in the hallway, weirdo, '' Mike threatened again. '' Or I will kick your fucking ass! ''

'' Newton! '' another voice suddenly shouted. I looked around and spotted a guy with torn jeans and leather boots. I looked up and noticed that he was also wearing a leather jacket. And here I thought that I was dressed a little strange because of the gloves. He had blond hair and glared at the boy named Mike.

'' Well, '' Mike sneered. '' If it isn't the loyal sidekick. Don't cross me Whitlock, I warn you.''

The leather boy barked out a laugh and threw his head back.

'' You got me all scared, Newton! '' he said, still laughing. '' Why don't you pick on someone your own size for a change? ''

'' What? '' Mike retorted. '' Someone like you? ''

'' Exactly, '' leather boy called, still smiling brightly. He took a few steps forward until he stood only a foot away.

'' Don't push me, Whitlock, '' Mike threatened again. '' Or I'll kick your fucking ass as well! ''

'' Try me! '' leather boy laughed again.

'' Jazz, '' the quiet voice I had heard before said. '' Leave it. ''

'' Yeah, Whitlock, '' Mike sneered again. '' Don't go looking for trouble. You're in the wrong place. Why don't you run along with your boyfriend. Faggots! ''

Leather boy suddenly lunged at Mike and tried to hit him. Mike took a step back and glared at him, but he didn't fight back. I guess he was a little scared now.

'' Fuck off, Newton! '' leather boy thundered. The other boy, who had been shoved against the locker, was restraining him.

'' Leave it, Jazz! '' he said again and he tried to drag him away from Mike. '' He's not worth it. ''

Mike sneered again and turned around. '' Fucking weirdo's! '' he called, before marching away with a group of friends. Yes, this guy was definitely an asshole.

The boy who had been shoved against the locker started collecting the papers that Mike had thrown across the hallway. People were trampling them and he was on his knees now, trying to find every piece. I looked down at a few pieces of paper that lay at my feet. It was sheet music. The boy reached the ones that had fallen at my feet and tried to pick them without looking at me.

I bend over and picked up a piece of sheet music.

'' Here, '' I said, holding out the piece of paper. '' You forgot one. ''

'' Thanks, '' the boy said without meeting my gaze. He turned around and left again without saying another word. The leather boy followed him and I stared at them until they had vanished.

'' Who was that? '' I asked Alice after a minute.

'' Mike Newton, '' she said, frowning now. '' Don't mind him, he's just an asshole. ''

I rolled my eyes. '' I wasn't talking about baby face on steroids, '' I said. '' I meant to boy he was harassing. ''

'' Oh, '' Alice said, turning around to look at me again. '' That's Edward. Cullen, '' she added after a second.

'' Cullen? '' I asked, frowning. '' Didn't you say your name was Cullen as well? Is he your brother or something? ''

'' Nephew, '' she corrected.

'' Who was leather boy? '' I asked after a minute.

'' That's Jasper Whitlock, '' she mumbled, blushing a little. I frowned at her now.

'' Do you like him or something? ''

'' What? '' Alice said, looking up at me again with wide eyes. '' No! ''

I laughed a little. '' Why does that Mike pick on your nephew by the way? ''

Alice frowned again and shrugged. '' Edward's not a very social person. Things were better when Emmett was still around, but he graduated last year. ''

'' Emmett? ''

'' My oldest nephew, '' she explained. '' Edward's brother. Emmett is the opposite of Edward. He's very good at sports and he was the quarterback of the football team. He was a very popular guy and no one dared to pick on Edward when he was around. '' She let out a sigh and looked down at her shoes.

'' I guess things will get a lot worse this year, '' she mumbled, looking glum.

Great. My first day in a new school. Classes hadn't even started and I was already surrounded by drama. Not a very good start of the year. I sighed. No, I didn't need anymore drama, but her face someone made it impossible to ignore it. I wasn't completely callous.

'' But Jasper sticks up for him, right? '' I said, trying to cheer her up a little. '' And you did. ''

She shrugged. '' That's not going to help, '' she said, still looking at her shoes.

'' Well, '' I said, thinking about the things I had witnessed a few minutes ago.

'' Jasper seems able to look after himself. ''

'' Oh, he is, '' Alice said, finally looking up at me again and smiling a little. '' But he's got a problem with his temper every now and then. Edward doesn't want to get him into trouble. ''

'' Yeah, I noticed, '' I said dryly.

'' Well, let's go get your schedule! '' Her happy mood returned out of nowhere and I was a little taken aback. She linked my arm with hers again and towed me across the hallway 'til we reached the reception.

'' Oh, look! '' she said excitedly, pointing at my schedule. '' We've got English together! ''

Alice gave me a tour of the whole building, so at least I didn't need a map. She led me to all my classes and picked me up again when the bell rang.

I sat with her during lunch and she bombarded me with a lot of questions.

She asked me why I'd moved here and where I had lived before. She asked me all the basic stuff about my family and past friends. I tried to answer her questions as honest as possible, but I didn't want to talk about my past. I was here to start over, right?

I looked around the cafeteria and spotted Edward and Jasper a few tables away. They were sitting together and were talking to each other. I kept my eyes on Edward, but I didn't really know why. I was somehow unable to look away.

Alice noticed after a few minutes and turned her head to see where I was staring at.

'' You know, '' she said after a minute. '' You've got Biology after lunch, right? She asked.

'' Huh? ''

I had been a little absorbed.

'' Edward also has Biology after lunch, '' she continued. '' Maybe you can talk to him then. ''

'' What? '' I asked frowning now.

'' Well, '' she said, smiling at me. '' You've been staring at him for the last ten minutes, so I figured you wanted to talk to him.''

'' I don't want to talk to anyone, '' I muttered, looking at my tray of food again. It was true. I didn't need more drama, like I'd said.

Alice merely laughed and looked at me again. '' It would be nice if you talked to him, '' she said quietly after a few minutes. '' Nobody ever does. Well, except me and Jazz, but that doesn't really count I guess. ''

I looked up at Edward again and suddenly his eyes we boring into mine. I couldn't see the color of his eyes, he sat too far away. They could've been brown, blue or even green. I felt a tingle in my stomach the moment our eyes met and I quickly dropped my gaze. I didn't know what that was about. Well, of course I know what it was about, I had felt that tingle before, but I didn't understand why I felt that way. I didn't even know that guy.

Alice blabbered on about a lot of things and I tried to pay attention. That proved a little more difficult than usual, since I was still processing the strange things I had felt a moment ago. I blamed the medication. They always made me feel like a sex-crazed maniac. It was a side-effect, I knew that. Most people felt the opposite way, but I had never been normal. If I wasn't careful I ended up dry-humping my childhood teddy bear.

'' Do you have any hobbies? '' Alice suddenly asked and I looked up again, forcing myself to go back to the present.

'' Er... No, '' I mumbled, looking down at my tray again. I didn't know why I wasn't being honest with her about my art. I just wasn't ready to talk about that.

'' You? '' I added, a few seconds late.

'' Well, '' I said, and I could see the enthusiasm bubbling to the surface again. '' I adore fashion and I love to shop. I really want to be a fashion designer! ''

I looked at her clothes now. Yes, it was obvious now. Her clothes really hinted at designer origin, but in a strange new way, as if she had mixed different styles. Her clothes looked really expensive though, so I guessed she had a lot of money. Or her parents I should say.

I smiled up at her. I guess I had already made a new friend on my first day here. This weren't really going according to plan, but Alice really did seem like a nice girl.

She was very happy all the time, which was actually a good thing for me I guess.

Perhaps I needed some positive energy around me. She didn't know anything about me though, and I wasn't ready to talk about it either. What would she think of me when she knew the truth? Would she still want to be my friend? My mind immediately answered it a no. Of course not. If she knew everything that had happened these last months she'd run away from me. I guess I wasn't in a hurry to talk about that.

The bell rang and she led me to my next class. Biology. She'd said that Edward would be in this class and I was strangely excited about that. What was the matter with me? Stupid medication. Get a grip!

'' I'll see you after school, okay? '' she called over her shoulder. She seemed really happy about the prospect.

'' Okay, '' I mumbled with a little wave of my hand. I turned around and took a few deep breaths. I didn't know why, but I felt the need to calm myself down.

I stepped over the threshold and walked toward the teacher to introduce myself.

I looked around the classroom and noticed Edward sitting in the back. His eyes focused on something in front of him. He didn't seem to pay a lot of attention to his surroundings. Not just now, but never. I guess he lived in his own little world. I could understand that.

The teacher gave me a few papers and sent me to the only vacant seat in the classroom, the one next to Edward. Of course.

I guess I really did have to talk to him now. Again, I felt that strange excitement at the prospect. I shook my head and tried to clear it. _Stop acting like a fucking idiot, _I said to myself. I walked over to my seat and sat down next to this mysterious boy.

I turned my head to look at him, but his eyes were still focused on the papers in front of him. I guess he wasn't going to introduce himself. Was he really rude or just really shy?

Alice's words rang in my head. _Edward's not a very social person. It would be nice if you talked to him. Nobody ever does. _

I could see what she meant by that now. No, he wasn't a social person at all.

'' Hello, '' I said quietly, still looking at him. He tore his gaze away from his papers and looked at me with wide, confused eyes. As if he wasn't sure that I was actually speaking to him. '' I'm Bella, '' I continued. '' And you're Edward, right? ''

He just stared at me. I could see the color of eyes now. They were a brilliant shade of green. That didn't really help. His eyes were beautiful.

'' Y-Yeah, '' he stammered quietly after a few seconds. He turned his attention back to his papers and I continued to stare at him, unsure what to say. I looked down at his papers after a minute and noticed the music sheets again. He must be a musician, because he was writing down a lot of notes. I had to admit that I was impressed. He must be really good if he could write it down like that. I noticed the ink spots on his long, slender hands and my eyes trailed his arms, really looking at him now. He wore a plaid shirt with red and his sleeves were pushed up, so I could see the lower half of his arms. His arms were slender, but muscular somehow. I could see the bluish veins in the crease of his left elbow. He wore a pair of baggy jeans and a pair of black vans. It looked amazing on his. My eyes wandered back to his face. His bronze hair was tangled as if he'd just come out of a storm and I saw the pair of black glasses again. He had a strong jawline, but full, soft lips. I could see that he had a pale complexion, but the sun had worked it's magic on his skin.

I continued to stare at him. I was somehow unable to look away from this strange, beautiful boy. He didn't look up again and just continued to scribble on his music sheets. I didn't really know what to say to him, so I just stared. His presence did strange things to my body. I had felt the tingle again when he had looked at me. When those brilliant green eyes had pierced my chocolate brown ones. Maybe I was going crazy again. I didn't pay attention to the teacher at all. I heard his voice in the background, but I had no idea what he was talking about. It wasn't until he called Edward's name that I was brought back to the present.

'' Mr. Cullen? '' the teacher asked, stopping in front of our desk. '' Can you give us the answer? ''

'' Genetic disorder, '' he mumbled, without looking up from his sheets.

'' Correct, '' the teacher said, walking back to the front of the classroom again. I stared again at the boy next to me. It didn't seem like he had been paying attention either, but he had just answered a question I hadn't even heard.

I didn't really know what to think of him, but I couldn't deny that I was fascinated.

This was a very wrong thing to feel. This was only my first day and I was already breaking my own rules. Very bad start!

The bell rang suddenly and I jumped a little. Edward collected his papers and was out of his seat before I had closed my books. He walked out of the classroom without looking back at me and I stared after him like an idiot. I shook my head again to clear it a little and gathered my things. Alice was waiting for me outside the classroom. How did she even get over here so fast? This girl had too much energy.

'' Let's go to the mall! '' she exclaimed as soon as I had left the classroom.

'' Sure, '' I mumbled, still thinking about Edward. '' Let me drop my things at home first. ''

'' Great! '' she sang, clapping her hands. Again with the excitement. I had a feeling she didn't have much friends either. What was up with these Cullens?

I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings and I suddenly bumped into someone. I was still carrying my books and the fell on the floor.

'' Damn! '' I cursed, bending over to grab my books. I looked up to see who I had bumped into and was met with Edward's face. He was staring at me with those green eyes again.

'' Sorry, '' he mumbled and he turned around and walked away again.

'' Let me help you with that, '' another voice said and I saw a pair of hands reaching out to grab my books. I looked up and was met with Jasper Whitlock.

'' Thanks, '' I said, standing up again. He handed me books with a confident smile on his face.

'' My pleasure, ma'am, '' he said, that smile still in place.

'' Where are you from? '' I asked curiously when I noticed his accent.

He laughed again. '' Houston, Texas! '' He looked very proud all of a sudden. He threw his chest out when he said the words.

'' Well, '' he continued. '' Good day, Miss Swan, Miss Cullen, '' he said, bowing his head at the both of us. Alice let out a little giggle and I raised an eyebrow at her.

Jasper turned around and walked away again. I noticed Edward at the end of the hallway. He must have been waiting for Jasper. I looked at their retreating figures until they were out of sight. I turned my head to look at Alice again and she was staring at the spot were the had vanished with a dreamy look on her face.

Right, she didn't like him at all. And I wasn't attracted to her strange geeky cousin.

Yes, very bad start!

* * *

_**Okay, please let me know what you think! I'll update the next chapter as soon as possible! ^^ And thank you for reading my story! ^^**_

X.

Jo. 


	3. A new Era

**_A/N: Chapter 3! ^^ I want to thank you all for your reviews and for reading my story - you guys are amazing! ^^ Please let me know what you think of this chapter and leave a review! ^^ _**

**_Disclaimer: SM owns everything. _**

**_POV'S: Bella._**

* * *

_Bella's POV._

I parked my car in the garage, dropped my things off at home and grabbed my purse and my wallet.

'' Where are you going? '' my mom called from somewhere in the kitchen.

'' To the mall with a friend, '' I called back, stuffing my wallet in my purse.

My mom entered the living room with a smile. '' You made a friend? ''

'' Sort of, I guess, '' I mumbled, fumbling with the zipper on my purse.

'' That's great, dear! '' she said brightly. '' I told you this would be a good thing. ''

'' Yeah, yeah, '' I muttered, still not looking at her. '' Well, I'm off. I'll be back in time for dinner. Bye! ''

'' Bye sweetie! Have fun! '' my mom called as I slammed the door behind me.

Alice had parked her car on my driveway and I stopped for a minute to drool.

She had a bright yellow Porsche. Yes, my assessment was correct. She had a lot of money. I opened the door and got in the passenger's seat.

'' Your car... '' I managed to say. '' Just.. wow. ''

'' I know! '' she said brightly. '' My dad got it for me this summer! I love it! ''

'' Yeah, it's amazing, '' I mumbled, still awed.

'' Thanks! ''

She started the engine and sped off. It was a really fast car and it flew forward. We reached the mall in no time.

It didn't take me long to figure out that Alice was a professional when it came to shopping. She rushed in and out of stores, conjuring up several credit cards in the process. She had a love for designer fashion. It was something I could never afford.

Phil had given me a new credit card before we moved here. I had a little more money to spend then before, given his new status in the big leagues, but it was nowhere near as much as Alice could spend.

'' Alice, what does your father do for a living? '' I asked when she had paid for another set of shoes that cost more than my whole outfit.

'' He has his own company, '' she answered, smiling brightly.

'' What kind of company? '' I wondered, looking at her shopping bags.

'' He's the owner of an international modeling agency, '' she said, dragging me into another store. '' He travels a lot. ''

'' A modeling agency? '' I asked, raising an eyebrow.

'' Yeah, '' she said, laughing now. '' That's how he met my mom. ''

'' Your mom's a model? '' I asked curiously.

'' Was, '' she corrected. '' When she was younger. She and Esme both had a contract at my father's agency when they were younger. ''

'' Esme? ''

'' My aunt, '' Alice said, pirouetting in front of a mirror to admire the new dress she was wearing.

'' You mean Edward's mother? '' I asked. I couldn't hide my curiosity.

'' Yeah, they were best friends, '' she said. '' Well, they still are. ''

'' And Edward's father? Does he own a modeling agency too? ''

She laughed again. '' No, he's a surgeon. ''

'' How did your aunt and uncle meet then? '' I wondered. Maybe he was a plastic surgeon. I bet models could afford those.

'' My dad always dragged him along to one of his fashion shows, '' Alice explained.

'' It didn't take them long before they could all go on double dates. '' Alice laughed again. '' What do you think? '' She asked after a minute, turning around so I could look at the dress. It was a very pretty dress. I wasn't sure about the fabric, but I loved the print. It looked like a very cute sundress.

'' It looks great on you, '' I answered honestly. I think a dress like that would look great on anyone.

'' Yeah, you're right, '' she said happily. '' I'll take it! ''

She changed back into her clothes and paid for the dress with one of her many credit cards.

'' Don't you want to buy anything? '' she asked when we had left the shop again.

I laughed a little. '' I don't have that kind of money to spend, '' I admitted.

'' My dad doesn't own his own company. ''

'' What does your dad do for a living? '' she asked with interest.

'' My step-dad is a baseball player, '' I said. '' That's why we moved here. He got a great opportunity to play for the big leagues. ''

'' Really? '' she said, dropping a few bags in her car. '' that's awesome. And your real dad? ''

I shrugged. I didn't really want to talk about my dad. Not yet at least. '' He died. ''

She hit her head on the edge of her car door when I said that. '' Fuck! ''

She massaged the top of her head and turned around to look at me again.

'' Wow. I'm sorry, '' she mumbled, looking at me with sad eyes.

I shrugged again and said something else before I had talk about my dad again.

'' Can we take a break? My feet are killing me. ''

'' Sure, '' she mumbled still rubbing the spot on her head. '' Let's go get some coffee. ''

We went to a Starbucks and I ordered some coffee for the both of us. This was something I could afford at least. '' Make it to go, '' I told the attendant.

'' We can stay here if you want to, '' Alice said, looking at the tables.

'' Naw, let's find a nice place outside. It's too hot in here. ''

It didn't take us long to find a nice place. We entered a square and found some benches. We sat down and enjoyed our frappuccino's. I looked at the stores that surrounded us and suddenly spotted a video arcade. Or better, I spotted a certain someone I had only just met today along with his charming best friend.

Alice stopped talking and looked over to the place I was staring at.

'' Did you talk to him today? '' she asked suddenly.

'' What? '' I asked, shaking my head to clear my thoughts.

'' Did you talk to Edward today? '' she asked again, looking at the video arcade where he stood with Jasper.

'' A little, '' I answered. It couldn't have been more than ten words. I suddenly felt a little frustrated. What was his deal? I had been perfectly polite. He had literally said two words to me. Yeah and sorry when we bumped into each other in the hallway. '' I tried to talk to him, but he didn't really say anything. Maybe he doesn't like me, '' I confided. These words bothered me a little more than they should. Why should I care whether he likes me or not. I didn't even know him.

'' I'm sure that's not true, '' Alice said, looking at me now.

'' Well, it sure looked like it, '' I mumbled, frowning at the video arcade where he stood.

'' I know Edward can be a little strange, '' she said quietly. '' but he's just not a very social person. He's a little shy, I guess. ''

'' A little? '' I asked, raising an eyebrow again. That was an understatement.

'' He doesn't really know what to say to people he's never met before, '' she continued. '' He doesn't know how to make friends. ''

'' Well, '' I said, looking at the boys again. '' Jasper is his friend. ''

'' Yeah, but Jasper is Edward's opposite. He's not afraid to talk to anyone. They met a few years ago when Jasper moved here from Texas. Jasper wasn't really fazed by Edward's anti-social behavior. '' She laughed again. '' Jasper just started talking to him and didn't give a damn. ''

'' Yeah, I can see that about him, '' I said.

Alice laughed again.

'' So, what's up with you and Jasper? '' I asked after a minute, looking at her again.

'' What? '' she said, blushing a little. '' I don't know what you're talking about. ''

'' Please, '' I laughed. '' You started giggling like a happy schoolgirl back in the hallway and you blush every time I mention his name. ''

She let out a long sigh. '' Okay, fine, '' she mumbled. '' You're right. I do like him. ''

'' So, why don't you talk to him? '' I asked. '' He's not anti-social. Talking to him must be easy. ''

'' I guess, '' she said, looking at her shoes again. '' But Jasper has had a lot of girls. They were all beautiful. I can't compete with that. He's so out of my league. ''

'' What? '' I said incredulously. '' That's not true. Look, I don't know anything about the girls he's dated before. Hell, I've only just moved here. But you look great. I'm sure he can see that too. ''

'' I doubt it, '' she said, still staring at her shoes. She sounded a little depressed all of a sudden. '' I'm just Edward's stupid little niece to him. ''

'' I'm sure that's not true, '' I said again. '' Look, I'll make you a deal. I'll help you with leather boy over there if you help me with your strange, anti-social cousin, because I don't know how to talk to that guy. ''

She looked at me again with wide eyes. '' You like Edward? '' A smile spread across her face.

'' I didn't say that, '' I said quickly. '' I don't even know him yet, but we're lab partners, so I kind of need to talk to him. ''

'' You totally like him! '' she squealed suddenly. '' That's so great! ''

'' Perhaps you should shout a little louder, I don't think the people on the other side of town heard you! And like I said, I don't even know him, so how can I like him? ''

'' You tell me! '' she said again, still way too loud and excited. '' I saw you looking at him at lunch. You totally like him. ''

I rolled my eyes at her.

'' Admit it! '' she said, grinning like an idiot.

I let out a long sigh. '' I like the way he looks, '' I admitted. '' But like I said, I don't know him. He's hasn't really said anything to me yet. ''

Alice squealed again and clapped her hands. '' This is so great! You two would be perfect together! '' I rolled my eyes again.

'' So, about that deal, '' I said.

'' I'm in! '' she laughed, holding out her hand. '' This so great! ''

I took her hand and shook it. '' Let's show 'em, '' I laughed. Her enthusiasm was a little infectious. She grinned at me again and then her phone suddenly rang. She dug into her purse and answered it.

'' O my god, Rose! '' she suddenly squealed into her phone. '' How are you? I miss you so much! ''

I didn't know who this Rose was, but I was pretty sure that she was a friend. So even Alice had some friends. I was happy about that.

'' How's Emmett? '' she asked after a minute.

Emmett? Didn't Alice say that Edward had a brother named Emmett? It must be the same one. I doubted it was a very popular name.

'' Please tell him I said hi, '' Alice continued. '' And visit soon! I miss you guys. Edward misses you too. ''

I heard someone talk on the other end of the line and Alice laughed again.

'' Okay, he misses his brother, '' she amended. '' Okay, Rose, I'll talk to you soon! Bye! '' She hung up the phone again, still smiling brightly.

'' Sorry about that, '' she said, turning back to me. '' I hadn't talked to her in weeks. ''

'' Why not? '' I asked

'' She and Emmett moved to L.A. this summer, '' she said. '' After graduation. He got a full football scholarship and she went with him. ''

I looked at her and frowned a little.

'' Rosalie is Emmett's girlfriend, '' she explained. '' And my best friend. It's a little boring here since they're gone. '' She looked a little sad again, but suddenly looked up at me and smiled brightly. '' That's why I'm so happy that you came to live here! I thought that this year was going to be miserable, but you've already changed that. ''

I smiled at her now. '' Yeah, you said things were different when Emmett was still in school. ''

'' Yeah, '' she sighed. '' I guess that era is over now. You heard Mike. ''

'' Well, '' I said, contemplating my next words. '' Then maybe it's time for a new era. And not the one that Mike has in mind. '' I grinned at her now. '' Let's go make some changes. Starting with those two loners over there. '' I jerked my head to the side, indicating Edward and Jasper.

Alice laughed again. Yes, this first day didn't go as planned. I was breaking my rules, but I couldn't really help myself. I was actually happy that I had met Alice. Maybe my mom and Phil were right, I really needed to start over. I wasn't ready for a lot of things, but this was something I was ready for. I was ready to have new friends and have some fun. It had been a long time since I'd had fun.

I couldn't even remember the last time I'd had fun. And I could really help Alice with the whole Jasper thing. She seemed really crazy about him and I had enough experience with boys. It wasn't necessarily something I was proud of, but I could use it this time. But despite all my experience I really needed some help with Edward. I had no idea how to deal with this guy. He really was a mystery.

* * *

'' Bella? '' my mom called.

I was in my room doing my homework, or at least, that's the excuse I had given her when I had excused myself from the dinner table an hour ago.

She opened my bedroom door and leaned against the door frame.

'' Are you okay, sweetheart? '' She asked, concern evident in her voice.

'' Yeah, why? '' I mumbled, paying more attention to my laptop than anything else.

'' You were quiet during dinner, '' she said.

'' I guess I'm just tired, '' I mumbled vaguely, pretending to read the screen now.

She let out a sigh and walked over to me. '' I unpacked your stuff. ''

I looked up and frowned at her now.

'' In your art room, '' she explained, pointing across the hallway. '' I hung a few of your paintings and drawings and set everything up. '' She smiled at me now.

'' You didn't have to do that, '' I muttered, still frowning.

'' Don't waste your talents, honey, '' she said, putting her hands on my shoulders now. '' You have a gift. Use it. '' I let out a low sigh and turned around to look at her.

'' I'm not ready for that yet, '' I said quietly.

'' Bella, Charlie wouldn't have wanted- '' my mom began, but I cut her off. I felt a sudden wave of anger at the mention of my father's name. Why did she have to bring him up again?

'' How do you know what he wanted? '' I snapped, glaring at her now.

'' Sweetheart, I knew Charlie, '' she said quietly, looking at me with sad eyes.

'' Yeah, I thought I did too, '' I answered angrily. '' I don't want to talk about him. ''

I turned around to face my laptop again and pretended to be busy. In truth, I wasn't paying any attention to the screen anymore.

'' Don't be too hard on him, sweetheart, '' my mom continued. I scowled at the screen. I thought I'd just said that I didn't want to talk about him. I shouldn't be surprised, she never listened to me. '' I know he loved you very much. ''

'' Clearly not enough, '' I said.

'' You know that that's not true, '' my mom whispered. I didn't respond. She was quiet for a while and I just pretended to be busy again.

'' Well, '' she said after a few minutes. '' Think about it. I've set your art room up, so you can paint again whenever you like. '' She kissed the top of my head and left the room again.

I let out a long sigh. Why did she have to bring Charlie up again? I didn't want to talk about him, or think about him for that matter. I wasn't ready to forgive him yet. Maybe that would never happen. I stood up and walked into my new art room.

I scanned the walls to see which paintings and drawings she had hung there.

I should've known. These walls hung full of memories I wanted to forget.

I saw Charlie's face smiling down at me and next to it the face of my former best friend, Meagan. I would never see them again, neither of them. The first because he wasn't here anymore and the second because I knew that she never wanted to see me again. I couldn't really blame her. I didn't even know if that still bothered me. I wasn't proud of all the things I had done, but I had accepted it.

I scanned the rest of the walls, looking for a face I was sure I would find here as well. It was one of the biggest paintings in the room. The face of my ex-boyfriend, Julian. He was the only boy I ever really loved. I hadn't seen him in over a year. I didn't know if he had broken my heart or if I had broken his. Perhaps a little bit of both. A lot of things happened. I didn't even regret it anymore, but the drama of it was enough to not wish for more. It was my most important rule. _Do not fall in love. Period. _

I had fallen in love with Julian a long time ago. He was my first. My first everything. My first kiss, my first time, my first love. And my only love since I had forbidden myself to fall in love ever again.

And what was I doing now? No, I wasn't going to fall in love with Edward. He wouldn't be like the other ones either, but I wasn't going to fall in love with him. I just liked him, that's different. Like is not love. It could turn into love, but I just had to keep myself in check. I could do that. I had proven that before.  
I scanned the rest of the room and looked at my other work. Most of my paintings were very dark. My mom had chosen the worst paintings. She liked the dark ones. She said they showed emotion and were my best works. I didn't know about that. I just remembered that dark era in my life when I looked at these paintings.

Maybe I should listen to the phrase: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I was technically still alive, so I guess there was some truth in it. I didn't know if it had made me stronger. I doubted it. A little wiser perhaps, but stronger?

A little more guarded. A little less naive.

They say you have to fall before you can get up again. I guess now was my time to get up again. In that case, I had made a good start today. It depended on your point of view. I was already breaking my rules, but I was moving forward at least.

I had promised Alice a new era. A better one. I guess now was the time to leave my own dark era behind as well.

It was time to fight again. It was time to drive away the dementors in my life. The only thing I needed to do know was find my patronus.

* * *

I didn't have a panic-attack the next day while driving to school. I was looking forward to seeing Alice again and, I had to admit it, Edward also.

He barely spoke to me during Biology and I found myself staring at him again. He looked the same as yesterday, if not more beautiful. He kept his eyes on his papers again and it seemed that he tried to avoid my gaze. What was that about?

I wanted to talk to him, but I didn't know what to say. Alice had promised she would help me with that. I had never needed this kind of help before. I knew how to talk to boys. I knew how to get what I wanted. But did I want Edward?

Yes, I did. I realized that now. I wanted to get to know him. I wanted to stare into those brilliant green eyes again. I wanted to touch him. I think I was going crazy again. I didn't even know him, but I felt a strong pull whenever we were in the same room. Could he feel it too? That strange electricity that seemed to hum between us. It was very distracting.

I tried to pay attention to what the teacher was saying, but Edward's presence distracted me.

'' And last, '' the teacher said. '' This semester's project. Discuss subjects with your lab partner and fill in these forms before the end of next week. ''

What? Project? I had to work on a project with Edward? I looked at him again, but he was still bend over his papers. How was I supposed to work on a project with a guy that didn't even talk to me? Or look at me for that matter. _Discuss subjects with your lab partners and fill in these forms before the end of next week. _

Well, I had some time at least. A little more than a week to be exact. The bell rang and Edward was out of his seat again before I could pack my things. He walked out of the classroom without looking back at me and I stared after him again like the idiot I was.

Alice attacked me when I walked out of the classroom.

'' Alice, '' I said, scanning the hallway to make sure he wasn't there anymore. '' We have to speed things up. I have to talk to Edward. We just got a new assignment and I have to do a project with my lab partner. And he is my lab partner. He left the room before I could even discuss it with him. ''

Alice rolled her eyes. '' He's such an idiot sometimes, '' she mumbled.

I frowned at her and she sighed when she saw my expression. '' He doesn't hate you, you know, '' she muttered.

I didn't say anything and just continued to frown at her.

'' Nevermind, '' she suddenly said. '' I'll help you with my stupid cousin. I promised remember. ''

'' Yes, '' I said, smiling now. '' And I'll help you with leather boy. Did you talk to him today? ''

'' No, '' she sighed. '' I wanted to, but when I saw him I chickened out. ''

'' Well, '' I said, scanning the hallway again. '' There's your second chance. ''

Alice looked up and we both looked at Jasper and Edward. They stood near the lockers and were talking to each other about something we couldn't hear.

'' No, but Edward's there now, '' she whispered frantically.

'' So? ''

'' Another time, okay? ''

'' Are you afraid of your own nephew? '' I asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

She snorted. '' Yes, he must be the scariest thing I've ever seen, '' she said sarcastically.

'' Definitely the weirdest, '' I muttered. Alice giggled.

'' No, it's just too embarrassing, '' she mumbled, looking at her shoes again. '' Another time, please? ''

I laughed again. '' Okay, '' I agreed.

'' Let's go to my house! '' Alice suddenly said, cheerful again. '' I want to show you were I live and then we can discuss a strategy. ''

I grinned at her. '' Deal. ''

* * *

Alice's house was enormous. I wasn't really surprised. She had told me all about her dad's company. I had parked my car in my own garage at home and Alice had offered me a ride.

'' Your house is awesome, '' I said, my mouth hanging open when I came into view.

'' Thanks, '' she said, smiling at me now. She parked her car in the garage and opened the backdoor.

'' I'm home! '' she yelled, dropping her bag on a counter.

'' Well, hello dear! How was your day? '' An elderly woman with a big smile on her face came into view.

'' Hi, Mrs. Cole, '' Alice sang, dancing toward her and kissing her on the cheek.

'' This is Bella Swan, '' she continued, pointing to me. '' She's my new friend. ''

'' Hello, Bella, '' Mrs. Cole said warmly, shaking my hand. '' It's nice to meet you. ''

'' You too, '' I muttered, shaking her hand a little awkwardly.

'' Is mom home? '' Alice asked.

'' Not yet, '' Mrs. Cole answered, moving toward the kitchen. '' How about a drink? ''

'' Sure, '' Alice said, flopping down on one of the chairs near the counter. '' Come on, Bella, '' she added, patting the chair next to her. I walked over and sat down on one of the chairs. Mrs. Cole busied herself in the kitchen and fixed us a couple of drinks and snacks. '' I'll be upstairs if you need anything, '' she said when we had received our drinks.

'' Okay, '' Alice mumbled, her mouth full of chocolate chip cookies.

'' Who's that? '' I asked when Mrs. Cole had gone upstairs.

'' Mrs. Cole, '' Alice answered. '' She's the housekeeper slash nanny when I was younger. She's a sweetheart. ''

'' You have a housekeeper? '' I asked incredulously.

'' Sure, '' she said, shrugging a little. '' My parents are always busy and this house is kind of big, so they need a little extra help. ''

I shook my head and smiled a little. '' Rich people, '' I muttered. Alice merely giggled and jumped up again.

'' Come on, I'll show you my room! ''

I hopped down and followed her upstairs. I'm glad she was leading the way. I would probably get lost in such a big house. She opened a door and I entered the most amazing bedroom I had ever seen. I was insane.

'' Wow! '' I blurted out, looking around. '' Your room is amazing! ''

'' Thanks! '' Alice said, grinning again.

There was a large bed in the middle of the room and everything was decorated in rich colors. It suited her. Alice opened another door on the left and I followed her. I felt my mouth fall open at the sight of her closet. It was an entire room!

'' Alice, what the fuck! '' I had never seen this many clothes in one place in my life. Not even in stores, I guess.

'' Yeah, I know, '' she said, grinning sheepishly. '' I've got a lot of clothes. ''

'' Why do you go shopping at all, if you have a private shopping mall at home? ''

'' Shopping is fun, '' she shrugged.

I shook my head again.

'' Alright, '' she said after a minute, closing the door to her walk-in closet again. She walked over to another room and opened the door. I followed her and entered the room after her. This room was just as large as her bedroom, but it looked more like a living room.

'' What the-? '' I said again and Alice jumped on one of the couches. '' You have your own living room? ''

'' Yup, '' she merely said, patting the spot next to her again. I sat down on the couch and looked around with wide eyes.

'' This house is insane, '' I mumbled. Alice merely laughed.

'' Yeah, I guess you're right, '' she said, looking around as well. '' My parents always go a bit overboard. I'm their only child, so I guess I'm kind of spoiled. ''

'' A bit? '' I said, shaking my head again.

'' Okay, but let's talk about Edward, '' she said, crossing her legs on the couch and grinning at me.

'' Is his house as insane as yours? '' I wondered. '' Or aren't your aunt and uncle as rich as your parents? ''

'' I don't know, '' Alice said, shrugging again. '' I've never checked their bank accounts. But yeah, I guess. ''

'' Didn't you say your uncle was a surgeon? '' I asked, frowning again.

Alice nodded.

'' They don't make this kind of money, do they? ''

'' My uncle does, '' Alice said shrugging again. '' He's one of the top surgeons in the country. ''

'' That explains a lot, '' I mumbled. I looked around the room again and spotted a collage of photos on the wall. I stood up and walked over. Alice followed me and looked at the pictures as well.

'' That's my mom and dad, '' she said, pointing at a blond, attractive man and a beautiful dark-haired woman. It was easy to see why she had been a model when she was younger. She looked amazing even in her forties.

'' And that's my aunt and uncle, '' she continued. I looked at the picture she was pointing at. Edward's parents. I saw another blond, attractive man. It was easy to see that they were brothers. I looked at Edward's mother and my mouth fell open. She was gorgeous. She had long caramel brown hair and a figure that made me feel self-conscious.

'' And that's Edward, of course, '' she said, pointing at another picture. I looked at the picture and saw Edward behind a large grand piano.

'' He plays the piano? '' I asked curiously. That would explain the music sheets.

'' Yes, '' Alice said, nodding. '' He's really good. He practices a lot. And that's Emmett and Rosalie, '' she concluded, pointing at another picture.

I saw a big guy with curly dark-brown hair standing next to the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She was tall, blond and had an amazing figure. Were all the women in the family this beautiful? I wouldn't stand a chance.

'' Wow, '' I breathed. '' She's really beautiful. ''

Alice laughed again. '' Yeah, I know. The quarterback and the head cheerleader. A high school fairy tale. '' She laughed again.

'' Seriously though, you all look like freaking supermodels, '' I said, a little exasperated. '' I don't stand a chance. ''

Alice burst out into laughter again. '' Why does that matter? I thought you didn't like Edward? ''

I groaned and smacked my palm against my face. '' It doesn't matter. I won't stand a chance either way. ''

'' I think he feels the same way, '' Alice mumbled. I dropped my hand and looked at her incredulously.

'' What? ''

Alice shrugged again. '' Edward doesn't really have a high opinion of himself. That's why he didn't say anything to you. ''

'' How do you know that? ''

She rolled her eyes at me. '' He's my cousin. I've known him my entire life. ''

I narrowed my eyes at her. '' There's more. ''

She let out a sigh. '' Okay, I may have talked to Jasper. ''

'' What? You said you hadn't talked to him! ''

'' Yeah, not about my pathetic crush on him, '' she said, rolling her eyes again. '' I don't know how to talk about that. But I can talk to him about other things. ''

'' You talked about me? '' I asked incredulously.

'' I sort of overheard them talking about you, '' she admitted, grinning sheepishly again.

'' What? What did they say? Alice, tell me everything! ''

Alice laughed. '' Sure, you don't like my cousin at all! '' It was my turn to roll my eyes again. I tapped my foot impatiently, waiting for her to tell me everything.

'' Okay, okay, '' she said surrendering. She walked back to the couch and sat down again. '' I don't know everything. I just know what I heard. ''

I sat down again and looked at her, still impatient.

'' Okay, so apparently Edward wanted to talk to you, but he just didn't know what to say and thought you wouldn't want to waste your time on him anyway. '' She rolled her eyes again.

'' What? '' I said, frowning again.

Alice shrugged. '' Like I said, he doesn't have a very high opinion of himself. It makes sense. Other people always harass him or just ignore him, and his big brother was the star of the entire school. He's never had a girlfriend or anything close to that. He doesn't even know how to talk to a girl whether he likes her or not. I guess I'm the only girl he can talk to, but I'm his cousin, so that doesn't really count. And he talked to Rose every now and then, but those two barely tolerate each other. '' Alice laughed again. '' And they only talked because she is Emmett's girlfriend, so that doesn't really count either. ''

'' He's never had a girlfriend? Ever? '' I asked, raising an eyebrow again. I somehow found that hard to believe. He looked amazing. But then again, he was sort of anti-social and strange. He didn't even talk to me. And now I knew why. It wasn't because he didn't like me, it was just because he didn't know what to say and was afraid of rejection.

'' No, he doesn't have any experience with girls, '' Alice said, smiling a little.

'' So, you see, '' she continued. '' It's not that he doesn't like you. I'm pretty sure he does. You're definitely his type. ''

'' How do you know what his type is? You just said he's never had a girlfriend. ''

'' So? I know my cousin. I know what kind of girls he likes. Even though he's never actually talked to one he really likes. ''

'' How do you know? ''

Alice shrugged again. '' We've always been pretty close. ''

I don't know why, but his inexperienced ways made him somehow even more attractive.

'' He spends most of his time behind his piano or behind his computer playing online video games, '' she said after a minute. '' That and talking to me and Jazz are probably his only social contacts. ''

'' Online video games? '' I asked.

'' World of Warcraft, '' she explained. '' I'm pretty sure he's not afraid to talk to girls when they're disguised as mythical creatures, '' she added, laughing again. '' It's hard to tell the difference when you're a strange creature, fighting in a dungeon or something. So, maybe you should make character and talk to him online. '' She laughed again.

'' I already have one, '' I mumbled, looking at my hands now.

'' What? '' she said, her eyes wide. '' You're kidding, right? ''

'' Nope. I haven't played in months, but I haven't deleted my account. ''

Alice burst out in laughter again. '' Okay, now you're definitely his type. I didn't know you liked those kind of games. ''

'' I'm kind of into the whole fantasy thing, '' I admitted, still looking at my hands. '' But I'm not socially awkward or anything. I can actually talk to people. ''

'' Yeah, you're definitely less pathetic than my dear cousin, '' she snickered.

'' Well, maybe you should go online again. '' Alice seemed incredibly amused.

'' Doesn't help me talk to him, though, '' I said. '' I don't know his online name or anything. I don't even know which realm his in. ''

'' Yeah, I don't know that stuff either, '' she said, shrugging. '' You should talk to Jazz. He knows. He plays that stuff too. '' She seemed lost in thought for a minute.

'' Wait, I'll ask him for you, '' she suddenly said, grabbing her phone.

'' What? Now? You're not gonna call him, are you? ''

'' No, I'll text him. ''

I rolled my eyes at that. '' That's practically the same thing. No, wait, call him. And then ask him out on a date as well. I was supposed to help you with leather boy too remember? ''

Alice pulled a face. '' Thanks, but no thanks. Let's set you and Edward up first. ''

'' Coward, '' I said, grinning at her.

Alice shrugged. '' If I can set you two up, talking to Jazz might be a little easier. ''

'' Okay, maybe you're right, '' I allowed. '' But no chickening out. You're drooling everything he's around. ''

Alice shut her phone again after sending the text. '' But he's so gorgeous, ''she suddenly said, a dreamy look on her face. I laughed at her silly expression.

'' I didn't realize you liked bad boys, '' I snickered. '' Who would've thought. ''

'' He's not really a bad boy. ''

'' Yeah, he just acts like one, '' I said, remembering his motorcycle and the cigarette in his mouth when we had left school. Not that I had a right to say anything about that. I've been worse.

Alice's phone rang after a minute and she flipped it open. '' Got it! ''

'' He just gave it to you like that? '' I asked.

'' Sure. ''

'' What did you ask him exactly? ''

'' His wow name and realm, '' she answered, shrugging.

'' And he didn't ask you why you wanted that? ''

'' Nope. But he can probably guess. '' She laughed again.

I shook my head again and rolled my eyes. '' Alright, what's his name and realm? ''

'' I'll send you the text, so you won't forget, '' she said. I heard my phone ring after a few seconds and opened her text.

_Realm: Illidan_

_Horde: Blood Elf Paladin._

_Name: D'alucar. _

I looked at the text. I didn't even have to change realms and he was also a blood elf paladin. How strange. I must have seen him somewhere before, but then again, I saw a thousand people every day. I didn't remember all their names.

_D'alucar. _I guess I knew how to find him now.

I looked up at Alice again and smiled. '' Are you sure he will talk to me online? ''

'' Sure, '' she said, shrugging again. '' He doesn't know it's you then, right? ''

'' You make it sound like he really doesn't like me, '' I said, frowning again.

'' No, it's just that - '' she began, but I interrupted her.

'' I know, I know, '' I said quickly, putting my phone away again. '' Let's see what happens. '' I looked at her again and we both burst out in laughter at the same time.

'' But you really have to make some progress with leather boy as well! '' I said, stern again. '' I can't be the only one who's gonna make an ass of herself. ''

Alice snorted. '' You won't. I'm sure he likes you. Jazz on the other hand... ''

'' Stop it! '' I said firmly. '' You'll be in the arms of your bad leather boy before you can blink! ''

Alice laughed again and we spend the rest of the afternoon talking about ways to get his attention.

* * *

I ran up the stairs after dinner and turned my computer on. I hadn't been online in months, but I still knew how everything worked. I logged in, but then met a message on the screen. Fuck! I had forgotten you needed to pay every month.

I dug into my bag and searched 'til I found my credit card. I paid for another month and was finally able to log in.

I looked at the text again and searched for his name. It was my lucky day, he was online. Of course, he was. Alice said he spent most of his time either doing this or playing the piano. What were the changes?

I located him and found him in less than ten minutes. Level 85? Damn! He was fast. Of course, I hadn't played in months, so I didn't have the edition yet.

He looked amazing, even as a blood elf.

I wanted to talk to him, so I changed to whispered conversation. The letters turned pink.

_You: Hi! ^^ _

_D'alucar: Hi. _

He was talking to me! Miracles still existed.

_You: I really like your armor.  
D'alucar: Thnx. You look pretty bad-ass as well. _

I grinned at that. I hadn't updated in months and my armor was still bad-ass.

_You: hihi. Thnx. ^^ I like ur name. What does it mean? _

_D'alucar: Guess..._

_You: Hm... Nope.. I'm coming up blank here. Can u give me a hint? _

_D'alucar: Read it backwards. _

_You: raculad? _

_D'alucar: place the D in front of the R. _

_You: Dracula? Awesome ^^ _

_D'alucar: Thnx. What about urs? What does it mean? _

_You: Guess... _

_D'alucar: One hint? _

_You: Every letter is a word. _

_D'alucar: That's impossible to guess... _

_You: Ur right. _

_D'alucar: Will u tell me? _

_You: Only if u promise to keep it a secret. _

_D'alucar: Cross my heart. _

I laughed at that. I was actually talking to him and he was talking to me. Now, that's what I call progress. Even if it's online. Gotta start somewhere.

_You: Dyow means: Dream Your Own World. _

_D'alucar: I agree... It's better than reality. _

_You: Yes. Sometimes it is... _

_D'alucar: Reality disappoints a lot. _

_You: Yeah.. reality can suck... bad. _

_D'alucar: It usually does. _

_You: Do u dream a lot? _

_D'alucar: I guess... _

_You: About what? _

_D'alucar: Impossible things..._

_You: Has no one ever told u? Nothing's impossible. _

_D'alucar: I believe I have heard that somewhere before. _

_You: hihi. _

_D'alucar: Tell me when u have found Hogwarts... Then I can transfer. _

_You: You like HP? ^^ _

_D'alucar: Only a lot. _

_You: Me 2. _

_D'alucar: Cool! _

I didn't know how long we talked, but I guess it was a long time. I had a feeling that I was slowly solving the mystery that was Edward Cullen.  
I wanted to tell him it was me, but I was afraid of his reaction. He was finally talking to me and I didn't want to ruin it. But I didn't want to fool him either.

I suddenly had an idea. I didn't want to tell him yet, but I could drop some hints.

I got up and walked to my closet. I opened the doors and searched 'til I found what I was looking for. I pulled out a shirt and hung it on my chair. I would wear this shirt to school tomorrow. It was a small hint, but it was significant.

_'' You've got the emotional range of a teaspoon. '' _

It was one of my favorite Harry Potter quotes. Hermione was a genius after all.

Edward would recognize this quote.  
I smiled to myself as I said goodnight and got ready for bed. I hoped that these hints would be enough for now...

* * *

_**Okay, does she need to tell Edward? Or not yet? Tell me what you think and leave a review!  
I'll update the next chapter as soon as I can.**_

X.

Jo. 


	4. Fantasies

**_A/N: Hi guys ^^ Here's the next chapter! I want to thank you all for your amazing reviews and I hope you will like this chapter. First chapter with an Edward POV! Please let me know and leave a review. _**

**_Disclaimer: SM owns everything, except my dirty mind. ^^_**

**_POV'S: Bella, Edward. _**

* * *

_Bella's POV._

The next day I walked into the biology classroom with a strange feeling in my stomach. Edward was already seated there and I walked over to our desk.

I stopped right in front of him, so he had to look up. Right?

His eyes were on his papers again and it took him a minute to realize I stood right in front of him. I really needed to talk about the project.

His eyes left his papers and rested on my shirt. His eyes didn't leave my shirt. He just stared for a long time. It was very inappropriate to stare at a girl's chest for such a long time, but I didn't mind. I liked his eyes on my chest. I wanted every part of him to touch my chest. I guess I had chosen the right hint to drop. There was no way he didn't recognize this quote. I cleared my throat after a minute because, no matter how pleasant his stare was, I needed to talk to him. His eyes slowly moved upward until they met mine. I was looking into those brilliant green eyes again and I lost my train of thought for a second. He didn't say anything and just stared at me.

I remembered that Alice had said that Jasper just started talking to him and didn't give a damn. It had apparently worked, so maybe I should just do the same. I guess it was a little different. I wasn't leather boy.

'' Hi, '' I said, unsure what to say next.

'' Hi, '' he said quietly and he pressed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. He looked down at his papers again. No, damn it! I need to talk to you!

'' So, '' I said, trying to get his attention again. '' About our project... ''

He looked up again, but didn't say anything at all.

'' We need to talk about a subject, '' I continued.

'' Yeah, '' he said quietly, looking down again. '' I'll.. er... think about it. '' He started doodling on his papers again. Seriously? That was his brilliant response? How was I supposed to respond to that anyway?

'' Okay, '' I said, giving up for today. I slammed my bag down on the desk and refused to look at him. I sat down in my chair with too much force and slammed my books on the desk after a second. I could feel his eyes on me now. I guess my behavior had finally drawn his attention. Maybe he understood that he was being an ass. I had no idea whether he understood that or not, because he didn't talk to me again. He left his seat as quickly as he could after the bell rang and I watched him go again.

I tried the same thing for the next three days, but I didn't get any solid response. We really needed to discuss our project now. We only had a couple of days left and we had no subject at all. I talked to him online, but I could hardly ask him about the project. He didn't know he was talking to me after all. I still didn't want to fool him, but he was making it kind of difficult to be honest with him. This was the only time he ever talked to me and I didn't want it to end.

It was Friday night, so I didn't have a chance in hell of seeing him in the next couple of days. I grabbed my phone and dialed Alice's number.

'' Hello? '' she answered.

'' Hi Al, '' I said, rather irritated.

'' What's up? ''

'' Your stupid cousin! That's what's up! ''

'' Oh boy, what did he do this time? ''

'' Nothing! He didn't do a damn thing, that's the problem! We still haven't discussed our project and we're kind of running out of time here! ''

I heard her sigh on the other end of the line. '' Didn't he talk to you at all? ''

'' I got a vague response. He said something like: '' Yeah, I'll think about it '' when I asked him. But he still hasn't thought about it apparently, because I have tried to talk to him. Everyday, but we still don't have a subject! '' I could feel my irritation bubbling to the surface.

'' And he hasn't talked to you online either? '' she asked after I was done rambling about his idiot ways.

'' No, we talk online. But he doesn't know it's me, so that doesn't really count I guess. I can hardly ask him about the project. ''

'' Yeah, you're right, '' she said. '' Okay, I've got an idea. ''

'' Great! That's why I'm calling you, because I don't know what else to do. ''

'' Just visit his house and ask him in person. He can hardly avoid you there. ''

'' I don't know where he lives, '' I said stupidly before I could stop myself.

I heard Alice sigh on the other end of the line and I couldn't really blame her this time. '' Sorry, '' I added. '' That was stupid. ''

'' You think? '' she said sarcastically. '' Just stop by and ask him. ''

'' What? Now? ''

'' No, not now obviously! It's ten PM. You can go tomorrow. I'll text you the address and just talk to him. He's being stupid! ''

'' Yeah, tell me about it. Won't he mind, though? ''

'' Who cares? It's his own fault! ''

'' Yeah, that's true. Okay, thanks Al. I'll let you know! Bye! ''

'' Bye! ''

I hung up the phone and looked back at the screen again. I was really going to his house tomorrow. I felt kind of nervous. What a stupid thing to feel. He made me just as awkward as he was when I was around him. Damn it! I really needed to get my act together. This wasn't like me. I was always confident when it came to boys. Though I had to admit that I had never met a boy like him.

_D'alucar: U still there? _

I sighed. At least he cared about me online.

_You: Yeah. Sorry... phone call. _

_D'alucar: That's okay. I get interrupted all the time.  
You: Really?  
D'alucar: Yeah... friends.. family...no privacy.  
You: Friends?  
D'alucar: Just one. My best friend. He always barges in like he owns the f-ing place. No boundaries that guy. _

_You: haha. Poor u. _

Especially since I'm about to do the same thing tomorrow. Well, it's his own fault. He had it coming.

_D'alucar: haha  
You: U should get a lock. _

After tomorrow that is. I need to talk to you first.

_D'alucar: I don't think that would keep him out... _

_You: That bad? _

_D'alucar: Naw... he's cool. Just a little crazy. _

_You: Aren't we all? _

_D'alucar: Yeah... I guess. _

_You: Do u talk to people often... like this, I mean. _

_D'alucar: Not really... U kind of forced urself on me. Haha. _

_You: Do u mind? _

_D'alucar: Not at all … I like talking to u. It's very easy somehow. _

Maybe you should try it in real life, asshole. If he only knew...

_You: Thnx. I like talking to you 2. ^^_

_D'alucar: I'm glad. _

_You: Won't ur girlfriend mind? That ur talking to another girl online I mean. _

I don't know why I asked him that. I guess I just wanted to know his reaction. He could lie very easily. Make himself seem cooler, or whatever.

_D'alucar: Don't think so... don't have one..._

Well, he was actually being honest with me. That's nice. I liked that.

_D'alucar: And u? _

_You: I don't have a girlfriend either... _

_D'alucar: haha. Ur boyfriend I mean. _

_You: Don't have one of those either. _

_D'alucar: I see... Guess we're free to talk then... _

Yes! Yes, you're free to talk to me! Preferably in real life, so I can look into those beautiful green eyes. Tomorrow...

_You: So it seems... _

_D'alucar: How old are u? _

_You: 18... u?_

_D'alucar: me 2. _

_You: ^^ _

We talked a little more about the game and friends and family. I didn't want to talk about my dad, so I carefully avoided the subject. He didn't really tell me anything I hadn't already heard from Alice, but he didn't know that of course. He really was being honest with me. I was happy he didn't lie about things online. Weird as he was, he was trustworthy. That's an important quality. I had a little trouble trusting people after all that had happened. I was glad that he seemed to be an honest guy so far. I said goodnight after a while and got ready for bed. I would see him again tomorrow and he wouldn't be able to escape me there. As much fun as talking online was, I needed more. I also needed to think of a way to drop another hint. It eased my conscience, knowing that I wasn't completely fooling him.

I got into bed and thought about all the things we had talked about today, looking for something that I could turn into a hint.

I had only known him for a week, but it felt like much longer. It seemed I was getting a little addicted to Edward Cullen. Bad! Very bad! But I didn't want to stop either. Not when I thought of his eyes, his hands, his arms, his chest, the way his jeans hung on his hips. Every single detail of him. I really needed to stop thinking about that before I needed a cold shower. I would see him tomorrow and now I needed to go to sleep. I reached for the bottle of pills on my nightstand and grabbed my bottle of water. I tossed the pill into my mouth and gulped it down with some water. I opened my Harry Potter book and rested my head on my pillow, suddenly tired. I was under before I could finish my chapter.

* * *

I woke up early the next morning, even though it was a Saturday. I felt nervous and on edge. I jumped out of bed and into the shower. I took a few calming breaths and concentrated on the hot water on my skin. I felt my muscles relax and the calm returned a little, for now. I turned the shower off and wrapped my hair in a towel. I walked back into my bedroom and opened the doors of my closet. I had no idea what I was gonna wear. I still hadn't come up with another brilliant hint.

I thought about our conversation again and suddenly remembered him saying something about liking the band Muse along with a few others. That was perfect, because Muse was one of my favorite bands as well and I owned a few band shirts. I dug through my closet until I found the right shirt. This would be another perfect hint. It amazed me how much we actually had in common.

I grabbed some underwear and a pair of short jeans. The weather was already hot and sticky, even though it was only nine. I suddenly remembered that I needed my gloves again, because I didn't want to freak anyone out.

I went back into the bathroom and blow-dried my hair. I looked in the mirror and contemplated my next move. I could do nothing different with my looks. I did need some eyeliner and mascara, because I didn't look very awake yet.

I rushed downstairs after I was done with my hair and make-up and grabbed some cereal. I couldn't go to his house yet, it was still way too early. Most people slept in on a Saturday. I usually did the same thing, but I was too wound up to stay in bed any longer.

I scarfed down my breakfast and ran back upstairs. I could do some homework in the meantime. I tried to concentrate on my English paper, but I found myself thinking about this afternoon.

The minutes crawled by and I was too impatient. It was one of the longest mornings I had even had. I went downstairs again when it was time for lunch. I would be able to go to his house after that.

I entered the kitchen and met my mom and Abby there.

'' I know it's a Saturday, but it almost one in the afternoon, '' my mom said when I sat down at the kitchen table. '' You shouldn't stay in bed all day. ''

'' I didn't, '' I said, frowning at her. '' I've been up since nine or something. I was doing my homework. ''

'' Oh, okay. ''

I grabbed a few sandwiches and stuffed them into my mouth, eager to get out of the house now.

'' Are you in a hurry? '' my mom asked when she saw my impatience.

'' I have somewhere to go, '' I said, gulping down some orange juice.

'' Well, don't forget we also have somewhere to go tonight, '' she reminded me. I looked up and frowned again. '' It's Phil's first game of the season. You haven't forgotten, have you? ''

Right, his first game. It would kill him if we weren't there to support him.

'' No, I hadn't forgotten. I'll be back in time for the game. ''

'' Where are you going? '' my mom asked after a minute.

I sighed. '' I need to discuss subjects for a biology project with my lab partner, '' I answered honestly. It was a very innocent en good excuse after all, and it was the truth.

My mom merely nodded and sipped her coffee.

'' Well, I'm off! '' I said when I had finished my lunch. I jumped up and grabbed my bag. '' See you later! ''

'' Bye, sweetie! '' my mom called after me. I closed the door behind me and hurried to my car. Alice had sent me his address yesterday, so I should be able to find it. It wasn't far from Alice's place.

After a while his house came into view and my mouth fell open again. Yes, they were also rich. This house was just as insane as Alice's place. What was it with these Cullens? I drove up the lawn and parked my car somewhere on the immense driveway. I spotted a few really expensive cars, except one shiny silver Volvo who was still fancy, but seemed out of place compared to the other cars.

I took a deep breath and got out of my car. I walked to their front door and rang the bell. I was answered after a few seconds by an elderly woman. I had seen Edward's mom and this was definitely not her. Then I realized that they probably had a housekeeper as well. Rich people...

'' Can I help you? '' she asked.

'' My name is Bella, '' I said, very nervous again. Not because of her, but because of Edward. '' I'm looking for Edward. We're in school together and we've got to work on our biology project. ''

She frowned a little. '' Edward didn't say anything about that, '' she said quietly, a look of confusion on her face. '' Oh well, boys... '' She smiled at me now. '' Come in, dear. ''

I let out a sigh of relief. For a wild second I thought that she saw through me and wouldn't let me in. I stepped inside and looked around with wide eyes. His house was amazing.

'' He's in his music room at the moment, practicing, '' the woman said again. I turned around to look at her. '' I'm Mrs. Jenkins, '' she added and she held out her hand. I shook it briefly.

'' Nice to meet you, '' I said politely.

'' Sarah? '' another female voice spoke and I turned around again. Edward's mom walked into hallway and she was even more stunning in real life. She wore a tight cream colored dress with nude heels and everything about her just screamed model.

'' Oh, now, '' she said, looking at me now. '' And who are you? ''

'' Hello, Mrs. Cullen, '' I stammered a little, taken aback by her appearance. '' I'm Bella. I go to school with your son. ''

'' Really? '' she said, smiling at me now. '' How nice! I never get to meet any of Edward's friends. Just Jasper and Alice. ''

'' We're lab partners and we need to discuss our biology project, '' I explained. She smiled at me again. She had a very warm smile.

'' Edward's downstairs in his music room, '' she said, looking over her shoulder. '' I'm very sorry, but I'm actually running late. I really have to go. '' She gave me an apologetic smile. '' But it's very nice to meet you. ''

'' It's very nice to meet you too, Mrs. Cullen, '' I said, smiling tentatively.

'' Please call me Esme, '' she said. '' Mrs. Cullen makes me feel old. '' She laughed grabbed her purse. '' Well, please make yourself at home. Mrs. Jenkins can show you the way. '' She turned to look at Mrs. Jenkins now. '' I'll be back in a few hours, Sarah. ''

She walked out the door and closed it behind her.

'' Well, let me show you the way, dear, '' Mrs. Jenkins said, smiling at me again. She walked into the living room and I followed after her, looking around in awe. This house was incredible. She let the way to a flight of stairs that probably let to a basement or something.

'' Just go downstairs and you'll run into him, '' she said, pointing at the stairs.

'' Thank you, '' I said, my nerves raging inside me. This was it. I took another deep breath and descended the stairs. I was met with a very heavy door and I slowly opened it. I stepped inside the room and my mouth fell open again. I didn't know what I had expected, but it was definitely not this. This room was huge. I looked around and noticed all kinds of musical instruments and equipment. I heard the delicate tones of a classical piano piece and my eyes focused on a large grand piano. And there was Edward, sitting behind this gorgeous piano, his back to me, playing a beautiful song. He hadn't noticed me and continued to play.

It was a very sweet song and I just stood there, listening. The song ended but before I could say anything he moved on to the next song.

I felt the muscles in my stomach tighten when the first notes of that song reached my ears. His fingers flew over the marble keys and it sounded like three pairs of hands were playing this instead of one.

The tingly feeling in my stomach returned and it felt as if my skin was on fire.

This was the most erotic song I had ever heard on a piano. I couldn't even move or speak. My imagination acted on it's own and I had no intention of trying to stop it either. How was he even able to play this at such a young age? He was a prodigy, there was no other explanation. His fingers flew over the keys and every note sent another shock through me. I closed my eyes and let the song take me.

Those hands... The way his strong, but delicate fingers rushed over those keys, only hitting the right ones in the process. I suddenly wished that I were that piano. I couldn't help but imagine his hands on me, his fingers moving with the speed of light, touching all the right places. Tender and with precision, but also with the right amount of confidence and skill. The way those hands would undress me and would touch my overheated skin. How they would rest on my breasts, caressing only the sides of it at first and would move down to my waist very slowly. How they would glide over the small of my back to my hips, moving closer to the place they so longed to be. And then they would linger on my thighs, forcing me to beg for more, which I would do. I would beg him to put those skilled fingers inside me and he would obey, slowly very slowly. His fingers would enter me and find the right places almost immediately. His mouth sucking on my overheated skin, finding it's way to my neck. His soft voice would moan my name in pleasure while his now frantic fingers would sent me over the edge. The tempo of the song increased as if it could read my thoughts. The song reached it's climax and so would I. Every part of my body longed for him. My imaginary Edward would make me come as his fingers moved in and out of me and his mouth would suck on the sensitive skin of my neck, moving down to my breasts. And all I could do was moan his name and think of his delicious fingers moving inside me. The song exploded and so did I.

I opened my eyes when his hands touched the last note, forcing me to come back to the present. I realized I was breathing very loudly, but he hadn't even noticed. His head bowed over the keys when he hit that last note. I acted without thinking and started clapping. I wasn't thinking clearly at all.

He swirled around in his seat when he heard me and lost his balance. The rest of his body wasn't as coordinated as his hands. He managed to hold on to the frame of his grand piano and he looked at me with wide eyes.

'' Bella, '' he breathed, a look of shock and disbelief on his beautiful face.

I was still high on the ecstasy of his song and couldn't help but love the way my name sounded when he said it.

'' Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, '' I said, taking a few steps forward. He pushed himself up again, the look of disbelief still clear on his face. I stopped right in front him, my eyes never leaving his. '' Mrs. Jenkins said I could I find you here. ''

He didn't say anything and his eyes moved to my shirt again. They lingered there, just like I had thought they would. He looked up again after a few seconds and I could only stare into the brilliant green eyes.

'' How do you know where I live? '' he managed to say after a few seconds.

'' Alice, '' I said by way of explanation.

'' Why are you here? ''

'' Well, we haven't discussed our project yet and we need to find a subject. We are running out of time. ''

'' Right, '' he said, still looking at me with wide eyes as if he couldn't belief I was actually here with him. '' I was going to send you an e-mail. ''

'' You have come up with a subject? '' I asked.

'' I have a few ideas, '' he managed to say. I continued to look at him and suddenly I wasn't nervous anymore or at a loss for words. I realized that I wanted him. Every part of him. No, I didn't just want him. I needed him. All my rules didn't seem to matter anymore when I looked into his beautiful eyes. The strange feeling that had possessed me these last few days vanished completely. That girl who didn't know how to deal with this boy vanished. I knew how to deal with him now. I just needed to take things slow. I didn't want to scare him away. But I wanted to close the distance between us anyway. I crouched down and placed my arms on his knees. I heard him gasp and the shock was clear on his face.

'' What's the name of the song you were playing? '' I asked, looking up at his face now.

'' Er... '' he stammered. '' La Campanella by Franz Liszt. ''

'' It was very beautiful, '' I said, smiling at him now. '' You're very talented. ''

'' Thank you, '' he stammered again, his eyes still wide. Yes, his inexperienced ways only made me want him even more. I was making him nervous and I liked that. Maybe he was attracted to me after all. I didn't know for sure of course, he was very difficult to read. We just stared at each other for a long time without saying anything, my arms still on his knees. I could feel the strange electricity again after a while and I had to keep myself in check. Suddenly my phone went off and I jumped a little. I had forgotten everything that wasn't Edward Cullen. I grabbed my bag and rummaged inside 'til I found my phone. The caller ID told me that it was Alice. Damn her!

'' Hi Al, '' I said, slightly woozy from my moment with Edward.

'' Hi! '' she said excitedly. '' So, did you go? ''

'' Yes, '' I said and added quietly, '' Al, I'm still there. ''

'' Really? '' She squealed and I held the phone away from my ear. '' That's perfect because I forgot to mention something yesterday. ''

'' What? ''

'' We're invited to a beach party next Friday, '' she said.

'' We? ''

'' Yes, you and I. ''

'' Who's party is it? ''

'' No ones, but everyone's going. ''

'' Who's everyone? '' I asked, frowning now.

'' Most of the seniors, a couple of juniors, '' she rambled. '' You can ask Edward! ''

I looked around but I didn't see Edward anymore. I swirled around and noticed him at the other side of the room, fumbling with some papers.

'' Are you going to ask leather boy? '' I whispered. I heard her groan on the other end of the line.

'' I already did. ''

'' Really? What did he say? '' I was suddenly excited.

I heard her sigh on the other end.

'' Well? '' I prompted, impatient now.

'' He said that he doesn't really go to these sort of things, but that he would make an exception for me. ''

'' What? That's awesome! See, I told you he would like you. ''

I heard a very nervous giggle on the other end of the line. '' Oh, Bella, he's so cute! '' And she was off. Rambling about leather boy and talking about his amazing eyes and smile. I was happy that she was making process. That made one of us.

'' And he promised he would drag Edward along, but you can still ask him of course! '' she said after a few minutes.

'' What? You didn't tell him anything, did you? '' I asked, suddenly nervous again.

'' Well, '' she said, a little awkwardly. '' Not exactly. ''

'' What does that mean? '' I half-growled.

'' He sort of figured it out on his own, '' she muttered. '' But that doesn't matter, right? He will make sure Edward's there as well. ''

'' I guess, '' I mumbled, looking at the boy in question again. '' Okay, fine. But I've got to go now. I'll ask him. ''

'' This is going to be great! '' she gushed, excited again. '' I'll talk to you later. Say hi to Edward for me. Bye! ''

'' Bye, Alice! ''

I hung up the phone again and got up. Edward didn't turn around to look at me, so I walked over to him again. I had already made my choice. I knew that I wanted him, so I should just act on that.

I stopped behind him and put my hand on his back. He swirled around again and took a step back.

'' Sorry, did mean to scare you, again, '' I said, smiling a little.

'' I wasn't scared, '' he mumbled, his eyes on his shoes.

'' So, '' I said, trying to meet his eyes. '' Alice called. She said hi. ''

Edward nodded, but still didn't meet my gaze.

'' She invited me to go to a beach party, '' I continued. '' Jasper is also going. ''

'' Yeah, he mentioned it, '' he mumbled again.

So leather boy was quicker than I thought. He must have asked Edward already.

'' Are you going? '' I asked.

'' I don't know, '' he mumbled, still looking at his feet.

'' I hope you are, '' I continued. '' Alice and Jasper will probably hook up and I don't want to be the third wheel. '' I laughed at that. I was happy for Alice, though.

He looked up at me now, confusion clear on his face. '' You want me to go? '' he asked, incredulous.

'' Yes, '' I said, smiling at him now. '' I would like that very much. ''

'' Why? '' he asked, still confused. Was it really impossible to think that I enjoyed his company? Well, it was a little more than that, but let's not be hasty.

'' Because I like you, '' I said, being honest. '' And I want to get to know you a little better. You don't really talk to me in school. ''

'' Sorry, '' he mumbled, looking down at his school again.

'' But we're talking now, '' I continued. '' And I like it. ''

He looked up again, his eyes once again wide and that look of disbelief returned.

'' You like talking to me? '' he said quietly. I smiled at him.

'' Very much. So, are you going? This Friday I mean? ''

'' Yeah, maybe, '' he mumbled.

'' I hope you can make it, '' I said, touching his arm lightly with the tip of my fingers. I couldn't help myself. He gasped again when my fingers touched his arm and trembled a little. I looked up into his eyes and smiled again. He just looked into my eyes without saying anything. I dropped my hand and took a step back. I didn't want to frighten him or anything.

'' What's up, wanker? '' a loud voice called, interrupting our moment. I swirled around and looked at the door. It was leather boy, entering the room with a guitar on his back. He stopped when he saw me.

'' Wow, am I interrupting something? '' he said, grinning at me now. '' I didn't mean to intrude. ''

'' You do that all that all the time, asshole, '' Edward suddenly said and I turned around again. I had never heard him talk like that. He didn't seem nervous when talking to leather boy over there.

Jasper merely laughed and dropped his guitar. '' I love you too, baby, '' he said.

I saw that Edward rolled his eyes at him and then look at me again.

'' I'm sorry, '' he said quietly.

I suddenly realized that this was the perfect time to drop another hint. I really wanted to speed things up, impatient as I was.

'' Does he always barge in like he owns the f-ing place? '' I asked teasingly. I kept looking at his face, trying to find something that showed me that he realized what I had just said.

His eyes widened a little when I said that. Good. But he had no time to answer because Jasper did it for him.

'' What can I say – I like it here, '' he said, laughing loudly. He took his guitar out and plugged it in. '' Are we gonna jam or what? '' he asked.

'' No boundaries, '' Edward mumbled, and he looked at me again. '' I'm sorry. ''

'' It's okay, '' I said, smiling at him again. '' I've got to run anyway. Family thing. I'll see you soon, okay? ''

'' Sure, '' he mumbled again.

'' Bye, '' I said taking a few steps back.

'' Bye, '' he mumbled, looking at his feet again.

'' Bye Jasper, '' I called when I reached the door.

'' Have a good day, ma'am, '' he said, bowing. I shook my head at that and left.

I really hoped my hints were working it's magic, because I didn't know how much longer I could keep it up.

* * *

_Edward's POV. _

I watched as Bella left the room and closed the door behind her. I tried to wrap my head around our previous conversation and the way she had looked at me. I must have imagined it.

'' So, how's Bambi? '' Jazz suddenly asked and I frowned at him.

'' Why do you keep calling her that? ''

'' Have you seen those eyes? '' he said, laughing now. '' She's pretty hot, though. Did you make a move? ''

'' No, was I supposed to do that? '' I asked, not looking at him. He had all the sensitivity of a blunt axe.

'' Well, I would if I were you, '' he said, shrugging. Yes, of course he would. He wasn't as pathetic with girls as I was. Speaking of which...

'' What's up with you and my cousin by the way? '' I asked, frowning again. '' I swear to god, if you treat her as one of your conquests I'm gonna kill you. ''

'' Relax, you know I would never do that, '' he said, looking at me now. '' And I don't know, man. She asked me to the beach party and I said yes, but you already knew that. We'll see what happens. ''

'' So you like her? '' I asked, lifting an eyebrow.

'' Hey, your little cousin's pretty hot as well, '' he said, shrugging.

Great. I didn't need to know that, I guess. '' Fine, just don't hurt her, '' I threatened. Alice didn't deserve that.

'' I won't, '' he said, grinning at me again. '' So, what's up with your mysterious elf-girl? '' he asked after a minute.

'' Dyow? ''

'' Yeah, that's the one. ''

'' I don't know, '' I mumbled. She had come out of nowhere. Just like Bella. What was up with these girls all of a sudden? Though it was definitely easier to talk to Dyow, since I couldn't actually see her. Bella on the other hand...

'' Did you talk to her again? '' Jazz asked, invading my thoughts.

'' Yeah, last night. ''

'' And? ''

'' I don't know, '' I mumbled again. '' I have a strange feeling about her...'' I didn't know why I said that out loud, but it was true.

'' What do you mean? ''

'' Nothing, I must be going crazy. ''

'' You've always been crazy, '' Jazz said. '' Tell me. ''

I sighed. '' I sometimes get the feeling that Dyow and Bella are the same person, '' I said, frowning again. '' But that's impossible. ''

'' What makes you think that? ''

'' I don't know, '' I said. '' Just the stuff she's wearing. Her shirts. ''

'' Her shirts? ''

'' Yeah, that shirt she wore a few days ago with the quote from Harry Potter. I had told Dyow I liked Harry Potter the day before. And then today she was wearing a band shirt that said Muse, and Dyow and I had talked about Muse yesterday. ''

I frowned again. It was definitely a coincidence.

'' And then... '' I began, but I changed my mind.

'' Then what? ''

'' Nothing, forget it, '' I said. '' I'm probably just imagining things as always. ''

'' I don't know, man, '' Jazz said. '' Maybe they are the same person. It's possible. ''

'' Well, why doesn't she just tell me then? ''

Jazz snorted. '' Have you seen the way you act around her? She's lucky to get a response at all. And maybe she really likes you. ''

'' Right, '' I said, rolling my eyes. Talking about impossible.

'' Why not? ''

'' Look at me, '' I said, gesturing to myself. '' And look at her. She's beautiful. She would never even notice me. ''

'' I think she just did, '' Jazz said. '' Why else would she be here? ''

'' Biology project. ''

'' Yeah, sounds like the perfect excuse. ''

'' I'm not you, okay? '' I said, exasperated. '' Girls don't throw themselves at me because they like my bad boy attitude. ''

Jasper laughed again. '' It's a gift. ''

'' Sure it is, '' I mumbled.

'' Look, all the more reason to go to the beach party with me, '' Jazz said. '' I promised Alice I would drag you along. You like Bambi, right? ''

'' Right...''

'' Then go after her! Make a move! Do something! ''

'' I don't think so. I'll just humiliate myself. ''

Jazz rolled his eyes at me. '' You're going to that beach party with me. In the meantime, try to find out if elf-girl and Bambi are the same person. If that's the case, she's definitely into you. ''

'' Yeah, whatever, '' I mumbled. '' Are we gonna play or not? ''

'' Yes, enough of this girly talk. Let's jam. ''

I sat behind my piano again and Jazz started a rock song. My mind wandered off to my earlier conversation with Bella.

_Does he always barge in like he owns the f-ing place? _

She had used my own words, but I had only said that to Dyow. Could it really be that Dyow and Bella were the same person? And if they were, what was I going to do? Dreaming about the girl that had suddenly walked into my life was one thing – a very safe thing – but talking to her was another thing entirely. I didn't even know what to say to her. I was such a loser. I had almost fainted when she had put her arms on my knees and looked at me like that. And then again when she had touched my arm. She'd said that she liked me. I found that very hard to believe somehow.

* * *

_I was running along a dark corridor. I was vaguely aware that I was dreaming, but that didn't matter now. I needed to concentrate. I needed to safe the world. The dark forces were taking over and I had to safe her. It was a dangerous task, but I knew I was strong enough to do it. They trusted me. She was the key after all and without her we would lose the war. I found myself behind enemy lines. I had infiltrated their headquarters and needed to be careful. I reached into the pocket of my robes, trying to find the object that would help me survive. My fingers closed around the wooden stick I had been looking for. My wand. I wouldn't be able to defend myself otherwise. I pulled it out and held it ready, scanning the place for enemies. I didn't meet anyone on my way to the dungeons where I would find her. _

_'' Alohomora, '' I muttered, careful not to make too much noise. The door swung open and I entered a dark and drafty place. '' Lumos, '' I muttered again. A small light appeared and I looked around, searching for the key. And there she was, chained to wall, wearing a very strange costume. Every part of her was visible and I stopped for a minute. She was blindfolded, so she couldn't see me. She probably thought I was one of them. I walked forward and lifted my wand again. _

_'' Relashio, '' I muttered and the chains twisted away from her body like obedient snakes. She always fell to the ground, but I managed to catch her on time. _

_'' Please, don't kill me, '' she mumbled, trying to shield her blindfolded face. I took the blindfold of and looked at her face now. A shock went through me. _

_'' Bella? '' I asked, too stunned to move. _

_'' Edward, '' she said, smiling at me now. '' You've come to save me! '' _

_'' Yes, '' I managed to say. No, this was a dream. I wouldn't be afraid to talk to her in a dream. I let go of her and unbuttoned my cloak. _

_'' Here, '' I said, handing her the cloak. '' Put this on. '' _

_'' Thank you, '' she said, wrapping herself in my black cloak. _

_'' We're in a hurry, '' I continued, helping her up. '' We can't be seen. '' How I wished that I hadn't forgotten my invisibility cloak. It had seemed foolish to leave it behind, even though I knew that the others had needed it as well. _

_'' Wait, '' she said, throwing her arms around me. '' I need to thank you. '' _

_'' You can thank me later, '' I said, looking at the door again. '' We've got to move. Now! '' _

_'' No, I need to thank you first, '' she said, dragging me along with her. I took a few steps forward and she looked at me with those big, brown eyes. _

_'' Bella, '' I whispered. '' What are you doing? '' _

_'' Treating you like the hero that you are, '' she purred, caressing my face. This was already too much. How could I resist this goddess? _

_'' Bella, it's too dangerous here, '' I said, trying to collect my thoughts. _

_'' Cast the spell and they won't be able to hear us, '' she whispered in my ear. '' I want to do this now. '' _

_I looked at the door again, torn. '' I know you want to do this as well, '' she whispered again. She suddenly threw my cloak off and I could see every part of her again, but it wasn't the same as a minute ago. That sight had horrified me, but this was something else entirely. I pointed my wand at the door and muttered, '' Muffliato. '' _

_'' Very good, '' she murmured. Her hands caressed my face and she suddenly pressed her lips against mine. She tasted like strawberries and my hands wound around her waist without thinking about it. I pressed her beautiful body against mine and kissed her back. _

_'' Edward, I want you, now, '' she moaned, her hands unbuttoning my shirt. She threw it aside and sank to her knees. She unbuttoned my jeans and I helped her get rid of them. I was in my underwear now, looking at the beautiful woman in front of me. She looked up again and smiled at me. I could see the hunger in her beautiful brown eyes. She pulled my boxers down and smiled. _

_'' Big boy, '' she said, before grabbing my already hard cock and looking up at me again. Then her mouth slowly closed around my cock and I could feel her warm and soft lips. _

_'' Oh, fuck! '' I said, closing my eyes for a minute. Her mouth felt so good. _

_She moved slowly up and down, but her tempo increased after a minute. I looked down at her again and saw that she was still looking at me. Her big brown eyes wild and fiery. This almost send me over the edge. _

_'' Oh, fuck, Bella, '' I moaned again when her mouth and hand moved in unison. I couldn't describe this feeling, but I didn't want it to end. I tried to hold on, but she was making it impossible. Her head bobbed up and down and her lips devoured my aching wand. _

_'' Shit, I'm gonna cum, '' I said, grabbing her face and trying to pull her away from me. I didn't want to ruin her pretty face in the middle of a hostile territory. _

_She grabbed my hand and pushed it away, increasing her tempo again. _

_I couldn't hold it in any longer. _

_'' Oh, fuck! '' I shouted as I blew my load all over her beautiful face... _

'' Fuck! '' I jerked awake and saw that I was in my bedroom. I was gasping for air and looked down at my boxer. I would have to clean those sheets before my mom or Mrs. Jenkins found them. These dreams were becoming a daily thing and they always ended the same. I'd better take a shower. I got up and jumped into the shower, trying to clear my head again.

Bella was starring in my dreams even since I had first laid eyes on her. It's not like I had never had these kinds of dreams before, but never about a real girl. Well, real as in, she was actually someone I had met in real life.

Dreams about Natalie Portman or Hermione or Arwen for that matter were nothing new. Yes, I also loved Lord of the Rings and Arwen was one sexy elf.

These dreams were nothing new, but this time I was dreaming about a real girl. A girl I sat next to in class. A girl that had touched my knees and my arm and looked at me with those big brown eyes of hers. I closed my eyes and tried not to think about that before I would be in trouble again. My parents would be awake now. It was miracle that they hadn't heard me already. Bella... I swear, this girl was going to be the death of me.

* * *

_**Oeeh! Things are getting hotter! ^^ Please let me know what you think and leave a review! ^^ **_

_**X. **_

_**Jo. **_


	5. Kiss me, stupid!

**_A/N: Hi guys! ^^ I want to thank you all for reading my story and your amazing reviews! Here's the next chapter - please let me know what you think and leave a review! ^^_**

**_Disclaimer: SM owns it all. _**

**_POV'S: Edward, Bella_**

* * *

_Edward's POV. _

_You: Hey u... _

_Dyow: Hey urself ^^_

I had my suspicions about this girl. Was this really the same girl that had touched me yesterday? Was this really the same girl that had looked at me that way and had starred in my wild dreams? I must be out of my mind. It must be a coincidence. Lots of girls liked Harry Potter and Muse, right? But what about the things she had said? She had literally used my own words. Was that a coincidence as well? And if this really was Bella, how was I supposed to find out? I couldn't just ask her, right? She would probably deny it. I would, I think. I didn't even know anymore.

I could try to be sneaky about it and ask questions myself. More questions.

_You: How was ur weekend? _

_Dyow: Pleasant... urs? _

_You: I practiced a lot..._

_Dyow: Alone? _

_You: And with my best friend._

_Dyow: Right.. the one who always barges in like he owns the f-ing place ^^ _

_You: That's the one. _

_Dyow: Still no boundaries I see. _

_You: None at all. _

_Dyow: Poor u. _

_You: haha. _

_Dyow: Wish I could make u feel better... _

_You: How?_

_Dyow: Depends... _

_You: On? _

_Dyow: What makes u feel better... _

_You: What are ur specialties?_

_Dyow: *leans over and gives D'alucar a kiss*_

_You: * blushes * Where? _

_Dyow: Where do you want it? _

_You: Surprise me... _

_Dyow: Hm... on your cheek? or..._

_You: or? _

_Dyow: on your lips? _

_You: I like that one. _

_Dyow: * leans over and gives D'alucar a kiss on his lips *_

_You: * blushes *_

_Dyow: Now I want something in return... _

_You: * sweeps Dyow off her feet and gives her a kiss *_

_Dyow: Where? _

_You: Wherever you want... _

_Dyow: I'll let you know..._

_You: How? _

I really wanted to see her reaction to this one. Would she go for the safe option? That didn't sound like Bella somehow, given her recent behavior, but what did I know, right?

_Dyow: You'll see... _

_You: When? _

_Dyow: You'll see... _

She was playing it safe. If this was really Bella I needed to ask a lot more to figure it out. She wouldn't reveal herself if I didn't make an effort first. She was very smart.

_You: I can't wait... I wish I knew more about you..._

_Dyow: What do u want to know? _

Everything... anything...

_You: What color are ur eyes? _

_Dyow: Brown... urs? _

_You: Green. _

_Dyow: HP has green eyes ^^ I like green. _

_You: haha. What color is ur hair? _

_Dyow: Brown... urs? _

_You: Hard to describe. Reddish-brown I guess... _

_Dyow: ^^ that sounds pretty. _

_You: U think? _

_Dyow: Yes... I think ur very pretty... _

_You: Why do u think that? _

_Dyow: ur very pretty in my dreams... _

She dreamed about me? Well, if this was Bella I dreamed about her as well. Every night... the same dreams... not something I would ever tell her, of course.

_You: Where do u live? _

_Dyow: In the U.S. u? _

_You: haha me 2. The U.S. is very big though... _

_Dyow: Tell me about it... _

_You: How's the weather over there? _

_Dyow: It's dark... _

_You: haha... I mean in general... _

_Dyow: Warm... and sticky... over there? _

_You: Same... Maybe I'm a lot closer to u than u think... _

_Dyow: I wish... _

_You: Really? _

_Dyow: Yeah.. that means I could see u in person... _

_You: Maybe u already have, but u didn't realize... _

_Dyow: Who knows... I'd like to think I have... _

_You: Me 2. _

_Dyow: ^^ _

Okay, so she had brown hair and brown eyes just like Bella, if she was speaking the truth. And she lived somewhere warm and sticky. Just like Jacksonville, Florida. Maybe I should throw caution to the wind and just see what happens.

_You: I think u have. _

_Dyow: What? _

_You: I think u have met me before... _

_Dyow: What makes u think that? _

_You: Because I'm a dreamer and it would be a dream come true if u were that girl... _

_Dyow: U like someone? _

Oh, she was good. Should I admit it? If this was really Bella she would know... or maybe she would think that I liked someone else. I didn't want that either. I could never like anyone else. I had never liked a real girl besides her in my entire life. I had only dreamed about girls. Impossible, safe and far away, or not even real girls at all. She was different.

_You: I think so... I've only just met her. _

_Dyow: And what makes u think I'm that girl? _

_You: Because ur both perfect. _

_Dyow: U think I'm perfect? _

_You: Yes. _

_Dyow: * blushes *_

'' You better not be jerking off, because I'm coming in! ''

I jumped and almost fell out of my chair. Jasper kicked the door open and entered without permission. As usual.

'' What's up, wanker? '' he said, jumping on my bed with a big grin on his face.

'' What the fuck, man? '' I shouted, straightening myself again. '' What are you doing here? It's ten PM! ''

Jasper shrugged. '' I was bored. ''

'' Who let you in anyway? '' I asked, annoyed.

'' Mrs. C. of course, '' he said, grinning again. '' She was looking fine as always. ''

'' Shut up about my mom, '' I growled, scowling at him.

'' No way, your mom's a MILF, '' he laughed, kicking his leather boots off.

I merely glared at him. He always said stuff like that about my mom and it pissed me off. I mean, come on, she's my mom! I don't want to hear that she's hot or whatever. I want her to bake cookies and do things that mom's do. I knew that was never going to happen, but still. No sexual comments about my mom.

'' So, what are you doing? '' he asked.

'' None of your business, asshole, '' I said, still annoyed.

He looked at the screen of my computer and laughed again. '' Is that your elf-girl you're talking to? ''

'' Fuck! '' I said, and turned around again. I had forgotten that I was talking to her.

_Dyow: U still there?_

_Dyow: …_

_Dyow: Well, I gotta go anyway... talk to u later!_ _^^ Bye!_

Damn! She was already gone. I sighed and switched my computer off.

'' You can talk to her, I don't mind, '' Jasper said, still grinning.

'' She's already gone, '' I mumbled. '' Thanks a lot, shitface. ''

Jasper laughed again. '' Sorry, man. I didn't mean to interrupt your online make-out session with elf-girl. ''

I rolled my eyes.

'' I talked to Alice, by the way, '' he said when I didn't respond.

'' If you two hooked up somewhere, I don't wanna know about it, '' I said, still annoyed.

'' Naw, not yet, '' he laughed and I smacked my face with the palm of my hand.

'' We talked about this Friday and Bambi's going, so you're definitely going now. ''

'' What? So I can make a fool of myself? Thanks, but no thanks, '' I said.

Jazz rolled his eyes at me. '' Stop wining, man. You like this girl, so go get her. ''

'' Right... ''

'' Did you find anything out about elf-girl? Are she and Bambi the same girl? ''

'' Not sure yet, '' I mumbled. '' I tried to figure it out, but someone barged in here without permission and ruined the conversation. ''

Jasper laughed again. '' Well, if that's Bambi you're talking to, you find out soon enough. ''

'' I don't know... ''

'' Well, Bambi's really hoping you'll go to the party, according to Alice, '' he said.

'' What? ''

'' Yeah, she must be into you. ''

'' No way, '' I mumbled.

'' You need to get out of the house anyway, man, '' Jazz continued. '' You never go out. It's unhealthy. Try to be social for once, it won't kill you. ''

'' You never go to those stupid parties, either, '' I said, lifting an eyebrow.

Jasper shrugged. '' Yeah, but I'm invited now and I can't say no to a beautiful lady. That's rude. ''

I rolled my eyes again. '' Okay, dangerous topic. And speaking of getting out of the house, '' I continued. '' You need to get the hell out as well. I've got to hit the sack. ''

'' Whatever. But just talk to Bambi, okay? In school, I mean. Alice said you've hardly talked to her and you need to work on a project together. So stop being a baby and start acting like a man. ''

'' Great, and how do I do that? '' I mumbled.

'' You want her, so go after her. Talking is usually the first step. ''

'' I don't know what to say to her, '' I confessed.

'' Answering her questions might be a good start, '' Jasper laughed.

'' I did answer her questions. ''

'' With a very vague and minimal response, '' Jasper said, rolling his eyes. '' That's not gonna get you laid, man. ''

'' Is that the only thing you can think about? '' I asked, annoyed again.

'' Of course not. I think of other things too, '' he said. '' Sometimes, '' he added.

'' Right, helpful, thanks, '' I said, standing up. '' Now, get the hell out before my parents get mad. ''

'' I won't mind if Mrs. C. gets mad at me, '' Jazz said, lifting his ass off my bed. '' She can spank me anytime for being a bad boy. ''

'' Okay, that's it! Fuck off! '' I grabbed his boots and threw them out of my room. Jazz merely laughed and followed after.

'' See you tomorrow! Try to keep the sheets clean! ''

I slammed the door of my bedroom in his face and let out a sigh. Obnoxious idiot.

I pulled my shirt off and got rid of my pants, throwing them in some corner of my already messy bedroom. I really needed to clean this mess before my mom or Mrs. Jenkins saw it and got a heart attack.

I walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth and looked in the mirror.

Bella. She would never like me the way I liked her. It was an impossibility. I didn't know much about her yet, but I was convinced that she had more experience with boys than I had with girls. Everyone had more experience than me. So, why would she ever like someone like me? Maybe she pitied my innocence and that's why she talked to me. Maybe this was all a game to her. If she and Dyow were the same person she was definitely good at playing games. Was I just fooling myself and falling for her tricks? Or had I made the whole thing up and were Dyow and Bella two different girls?

I let out a sigh and switched the light in my bathroom off. I walked back into my bedroom and put my glasses on my nightstand before getting into bed.

I stared at my ceiling. I didn't really see anything due to a few things.

One, it was dark because I had switched the light off. Two, I wasn't wearing my glasses, so everything would have been blurry anyway. Three, I only saw one thing and all the other things paled next to it. Bella's face. She was looking at me with those big, brown, inquisitive eyes. What was it that she wanted from me? My mind seemed to go around in endless circles, unable to answer that one simple question.

She had obstructed my vision, blinded me. I could only see her and nothing else. Nothing else seemed to matter anymore. Did I have the guts to talk to her tomorrow? I wish I could answer that question with a yes, but I couldn't even convince myself. Maybe the best thing I could hope for was that she would talk to me again and I wouldn't make an ass of myself for once when I tried to answer her questions. I would try to come up with a normal response. That was the least I could do.

* * *

_Bella's POV. _

_You: U still there? _

Still no reaction. Had I scared him off? I doubted that. He had been asking me questions non-stop for the last hour or so. He seemed more talkative than usual. It seemed like he was trying to figure out more about me.

_Because I'm a dreamer and it would be a dream come true if u were that girl..._

I thought about his words again. They could mean two different things.

One, Edward had understood my hints and suspected that I was Dyow. That meant that he really did like me. My stomach fluttered at the thought, but I tried to push it aside, because there was also option two. My hints hadn't worked it's magic and he had no idea. That meant he could still be talking about me when he said that he had just met a girl that he liked, but it could be someone else as well.

I wanted to think that I was the girl he liked, but I had no idea.

_Dyow: …_

Still no reaction. Maybe his own words had finally caught up with him and he regretted them now. Maybe he thought he'd said too much.

'' Bella? '' my mom called from downstairs. I looked at the clock. What did she want me for at a time like this? It was ten PM. I sighed.

_Dyow: Well, I gotta go anyway... talk to u later! ^^ Bye!_

I switched my computer off and dragged myself downstairs.

'' Yeah? '' I asked when I entered the living room and sat down on the couch.

'' I didn't want to talk about it during dinner, but Dr. Anderson called to check up on you while you were out yesterday, '' my mom said.

'' So? ''

'' So, you need to call him back tomorrow, because I can't answer his questions for you, '' she continued. '' Which reminds me... how are things going? Let's have a talk. ''

I sighed and rolled my eyes. '' Things are fine. ''

'' How's school? '' she prompted, clearly not satisfied with my response.

'' Fine, '' I said again. I didn't want to have this conversation now. The whole concerned parent act had always annoyed me.

'' You said you made a friend, '' she continued.

'' Yup. ''

'' Well, what's she like? ''

'' Her name is Alice and she's cool, '' I said, dying to escape to my room again.

'' Okay, great, '' my mom said, smiling at me now. '' So, things are not as bad as you thought, right? ''

I rolled my eyes again. I had expected this. The whole smug I-told-you-so speech.

'' Nope, it's great, '' I said. '' Can I go back upstairs now? ''

'' Just a minute, '' she said, holding her hand up. '' That project you're working on. You said you needed to discuss subjects. Are you and Alice doing that project together? ''

I sighed. I really didn't want to talk about Edward with my mom. I didn't even know what was going on with him.

'' No, with my lab partner, '' I said, not meeting her gaze. I just wanted to go back upstairs. Go to bed or something. Anything but this.

'' Okay, '' she said, trying to be nonchalant about it. '' And who's that? ''

'' Mom! '' I groaned. '' Do we really have to talk about all this? It's just school stuff. ''

'' I'm just trying to be an involved parent, that's all, '' she said, still smiling.

I rolled my eyes again. '' He's just my lab partner and we've got to do a project together, that's it. ''

'' He? ''

'' Yes, he, '' I repeated. '' Can we please drop this? I'm tired, I want to go to bed. ''

'' Okay, '' my mom said, still smiling. Grr. What was up with that smile. It was freaking me out. '' Just don't forget to call Dr. Anderson tomorrow, '' she reminded me again when I stood up.

'' I won't, '' I sighed, dragging myself up the stairs again.

'' And don't forget to take your medication, sweetheart, '' she called after me.

'' I won't! '' I yelled back, really annoyed now.

'' Okay, goodnight, sweetheart, '' she called again.

'' Goodnight, '' I grumbled, not bothering to look over my shoulder again.

I got ready for bed, thinking about what I was going to wear tomorrow. I still wanted to speed things up, so I should drop another hint, but what?

We hadn't really talked about things that we liked. Well, we had talked about how I would like to kiss him, sort of. And that I would let him know when and where he could kiss me. I laughed to myself as I switched the lights in my bathroom off and walked back to my bedroom.

Maybe I did have the perfect shirt for that. It wouldn't tell him anything he wanted to know, but it was a subtle hint nevertheless.

I grabbed my pills and a bottle of water and swallowed them. I jumped into bed and grabbed my book. Yes, I really needed to speed things up. I wanted him more every day and I didn't know how much longer I wanted to wait.

* * *

I was early today. Biology class hadn't started and I was one of the first people in the room. Edward wasn't there yet and I had taken my usual seat, so he would have to pass me to reach his own. Perfect. I pushed my chair a few inches back to block the path. I really wanted to talk to him and now I had a perfect excuse.

My eyes were on my papers and I pretended to read something. I was actually listening for his approach. I heard him stop next to me and I waited for him to speak.

'' Hello, '' he said quietly after a few seconds and I looked up in fake surprise.

'' Oh, hey, Edward, '' I said, smiling up at him. I turned around in my chair, so he could see my shirt.

It was actually a top with a low neckline and it said:_Kiss me, stupid! _

His eyes penetrated mine for a few seconds before they rested on my shirt.

'' I've been thinking, '' I said after a few seconds, because his eyes were still on my shirt. He slowly looked up at me again with wide eyes. I merely smiled at him.

'' We should start on our project this week. I've already filled out the forms and we're good to go. ''

He didn't respond immediately. He just looked at me.

'' So, when do you want to start? '' I asked, trying to get a decent response out of him.

'' Er... I don't know, '' he mumbled, dropping his gaze and looking at his shoes now. '' I'll let you know, '' he added quietly, still not looking at me.

'' Right, '' I said, still smiling. Just like he would let me know the subject. I would have to wait forever. '' How about tomorrow afternoon? '' I suggested.

'' I can't, '' he mumbled. '' Piano lessons. ''

'' Right, Wednesday afternoon then? ''

He looked up at me again and seemed to struggle to find the right words. He pushed his glasses up again. It seemed to be a nervous habit of him.

'' Sure, '' he said quietly after a moment. He didn't seem happy about it at all. What was wrong with him?

'' Okay, '' I said slowly, frowning now. '' Your place? ''

'' Sure, '' he mumbled, looking at his shoes again.

'' Great, '' I said, trying to make my voice upbeat again. '' I'll see you then. ''

'' Yeah. ''

I pushed my chair forward again so he could pass. I turned around to look at him when he was in his seat.

'' So, are you going Friday? '' I asked after a minute.

'' I guess, '' he said quietly, looking at his papers now.

'' Cool! ''

I didn't know what else to say. He didn't really respond to anything. I turned around in my seat again and pretended to pay attention to the teacher, but his lecture was so boring that I found myself looking at Edward most of the time. He was writing on those music sheets again. I thought about Saturday when I had heard him play and lost myself in that blissful memory for the rest of the hour.

* * *

'' Bella! '' Alice called when I walked out of the classroom in a daze. I turned around and saw her dancing toward me, happy as Dobby the house-elf when he received his first sock.

'' Oh, hey, Alice, '' I said and I shook my head to clear it.

'' How are things with my anti-social cousin? '' she asked, linking her arm with mine.

'' I don't know, '' I answered honestly. One moment I thought everything was going great and the next I was at a loss again. '' I don't understand that guy at all, '' I sighed. Alice laughed and patted my arm.

'' Don't worry, no one does, '' she reassured me. '' Has he talked to you yet? ''

'' Sort of, '' I said, frowning again. '' I'm going to his house again on Wednesday to work on our project. ''

'' He agreed to that? '' she asked, baffled.

'' Sort of, '' I said again. '' He did seem a little reluctant. Wonder why that was... ''

'' He's just being stupid as always, '' she said, rolling her eyes again. '' He likes you. ''

'' What? '' I blurted out. '' How do you know that? ''

'' Jazz, of course, '' she said, as if this was the most obvious thing in the world.

'' Alice, '' I growled. '' Why did you talk to him about that? ''

'' I didn't! '' she said, defensive. '' I mean, not really. He sort of walked in on you two on Saturday, remember? ''

'' I don't know if that's the right way to phrase it, '' I muttered.

'' Maybe you're right, '' she said, thoughtful now. '' But anyway... he asked Edward about you and he sort of admitted that he liked you. ''

My stomach made a somersault when she said that. Did he really like me? If that was the case he had a really weird way of showing it. He hardly talked to me. Well, not in real life at least. He had no trouble talking to me online, but he still didn't know that it was me, so that still didn't really count. I hoped he would find out soon though. But wait, if what Alice was saying was true, than the girl he was talking about yesterday must be me after all. I liked that. That meant he already suspected that I was Dyow.

'' Hello, Bella? '' Alice asked, shaking my arm. I had been lost in thought and had completely forgotten that she was still there.

'' Sorry, '' I said, grinning sheepishly. '' Yo know, you and Jazz gossip like old woman, '' I grumbled after a minute. Alice laughed again.

'' We're just happy for Edward that's all, '' she said, shrugging a little. '' He's never had a girlfriend ever. ''

'' Wow, slow down, little pixie, '' I said, holding my hands up now. '' We're not even close to that. He doesn't even really talk to me yet. '' I sighed again.

'' Don't worry about that, '' she said, confident now. '' He will. He just needs a little encouragement that's all. ''

I thought about that. A little encouragement, huh? I could do that. I thought I was already encouraging him, but maybe I needed to be more obvious about it. This was something I had experience with.

'' So, what kind of encouragement? '' I asked, raising an eyebrow. '' You want me to throw myself at him? '' I laughed now.

'' Maybe, '' Alice responded, also laughing. '' That would probably freak him out though, but something like that. He's convinced that you could never like him that way. ''

I frowned now and Alice let out a sigh. '' Like I said, he doesn't have a very high opinion of himself. He probably thinks you're out of his league. He will never believe you like him until it's _really _obvious. ''

I sighed. '' Guess I need to work a little harder then, '' I mumbled. '' And what about you and leather boy? You invited him to that beach party and he said yes, so he must like you. ''

'' I guess, '' Alice said, frowning now.

'' I'm sure that the party is going to be great, '' I said, smiling at her now.

Alice smiled back and suddenly gasped. '' We have to go shopping and find the perfect outfit! I want to look amazing when Jazz shows up! ''

I laughed again and told her we could go shopping tomorrow. We talked all the way to the parking lot, laughing about these stupid boys we were actually really into.

* * *

'' It's good to hear from you, Bella, '' Dr. Anderson said on the other end of the line when I called him.

'' Yeah, '' I mumbled. I had no idea what to say to him, but he had asked my mom if I could call him back. Probably to check on me or something.

'' How are you? '' he asked. I could hear the smile in his voice. Stupid psychiatrists.

'' Fine, '' I answered, biting my nails.

'' Is Jacksonville as bad as you thought it was going to be? ''

'' No, it's alright. ''

'' I'm glad to hear that. How are the nightmares? '' he asked.

I sighed. '' I didn't have any nightmares, '' I said. '' I've been sleeping like the dead actually. ''

'' That's fantastic! '' he said. '' Starting over wasn't such a bad idea after all then. Are you painting again? ''

'' Not yet, '' I muttered, looking at my art room across the hallway.

'' What keeping you from painting again? '' he asked, the professional tone in his voice evident now.

I sighed. '' It's too soon, I guess, '' I said, biting my lip now. I was a nervous habit I had picked up from my mom.

'' Bella, your father wouldn't have wanted this, '' he said and I gritted my teeth. Why did everyone keep saying that? I couldn't care less what he would have wanted.

'' It's not just about him, '' I said, frowning now. '' It's everything. Too much memories, I guess. ''

'' Don't run away from your past, Bella, '' he said. '' Find a way to embrace it and become a better and stronger person because of it. ''

Right, this sounded an awful lot like: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I didn't feel strong at all.

'' Remember what I told you before you left here, '' he continued. '' Don't ignore your emotions and don't try to drown it out by physical pain either. Did you make new friends? ''

'' Yes, I made a new friend, '' I said, relieved that I could talk about something else.

'' Her name is Alice. ''

'' That's great! '' he said. '' Can you talk to her? ''

'' Sure, I guess, '' I mumbled.

'' Have you tried it? ''

'' What? ''

'' Have you tried to talk to her about your past? '' he asked.

'' Not yet, '' I admitted. '' I've only just moved here. I don't know her that well yet. ''

'' Don't be afraid to confide in people, '' he told me. '' It's important. ''

'' Yeah, so she can run away from me like everyone else has done, '' I said, bitter now.

'' You know that's not the reason, '' he said. '' You were lost a few months ago, Bella. You're not that girl anymore. It's a part of your past now. And you have to see the difference. You have worked really hard these past couple of months. You're not the same person anymore. You have to embrace the past and a part of that is talking about it. You have to accept it. ''

'' I know that, '' I mumbled. '' I'm working on it. ''

'' I know you can do it, '' he said. '' I have faith in you. You're a very smart and strong person. ''

'' I don't know about that, '' I mumbled again. '' I don't feel strong at all. ''

'' No one does, '' he said and I could hear the smile in his voice again. '' We're all scared of rejection. No one wants to be alone. We all want to be accepted. ''

I thought about his words. Was I afraid of rejection? Maybe. Maybe I was afraid to be left alone again after I told Alice about my past. And here I thought Edward was the one who was afraid of rejection. It wasn't the same kind of rejection, but I felt it too.

'' I know you can do it, '' Dr. Anderson said again. '' Things take time. ''

'' Yeah, I know, '' I said, still thinking about rejection.

'' Don't forget to take your medication, '' he reminded me.

'' I won't, '' I promised.

'' You can call me anytime you want, '' he said. '' I'm here for you if you need me. ''

'' Thanks, Dr. Anderson. ''

'' Anytime, Bella. Take care. I'll talk to you soon. ''

'' Goodbye, Dr. Anderson, '' I said.

'' Bye, Bella. ''

I hung up the phone and let out a sigh. I knew what I had to do, but I just wasn't ready yet. I realized I was afraid of rejection, just like everyone else. I was afraid to be alone again, alone in the dark. Dr. Anderson was right. We were all afraid of rejection and everyone wants to be accepted. Everyone wants to be loved.

I was afraid Alice wouldn't want to be my friend anymore if she knew everything.

And – even though I hated to admit it – I was afraid Edward wouldn't like me anymore if he knew everything.

I switched my computer on. I wanted to see if he was online. I wanted to talk to him. Not about my past, but just in general. God knows how long I had with him before he would run away like everyone else had.

I smiled at the screen when I saw his name. He was online.

_You: Hi ^^_

_D'alucar: Hi! How are u today? _

I didn't really know how to respond to that. I didn't feel great at the moment, but should I be honest? He had been honest with me so far, so I guess I owned him that.

_You: I've been better... and u? _

_D'alucar: Same here... what's wrong? _

Same here? What was he upset about? I could just ask him of course, but that meant I had to answer his question first.

_You: I feel a little lost every now and then... _

Yes, that worked. I didn't want to explain everything yet, but I was being honest.

_D'alucar: Why?_

I sighed.

_You: Are u afraid of rejection sometimes? _

_D'alucar: All the time... _

_You: Well, that's how I feel right now. _

_D'alucar: Who in their right mind would ever reject u? _

I smiled a little at that. He was very sweet. It was hard to believe this was the same guy who afraid to talk to me in school. He seemed like a different person here. More himself, I guessed.

_You: I don't know... what's wrong with u? _

_D'alucar: I guess I feel a little lost as well... _

_You: Why? _

_D'alucar: Because I'm also afraid of rejection... _

_You: Who in their right mind would ever reject u? _

I smiled a little when I repeated his own words.

_D'alucar: Everyone... _

_You: Is this about that girl? _

_D'alucar: Yeah... _

_You: You think she won't like u? _

_D'alucar: I know she won't... _

_You: Well... I like u... _

_D'alucar: That's why I wish that u were that girl... _

_You: What's her name? _

_D'alucar: Will u be honest with me if I tell u? _

I didn't know if I could do that. I really wanted to be honest with him, but I was suddenly afraid. This is what I wanted. I had wanted to speed things up, because I wanted him. But what was I rambling about? Maybe he liked another girl. Maybe he didn't like me at all. I had to know either way.

_You: Sure. _

_D'alucar: Her name is Bella. _

I stared at the screen and I knew I had a huge smile on my face. I wasn't the kind of girl that squealed whenever she was happy about something, but I couldn't help myself. He liked me. He really liked me!

* * *

_Edward's POV._

_Dyow: Sure._

_You: Her name is Bella. _

There. I said it. There was no going back now. I didn't know why I told her. I wasn't even sure yet if this was really Bella. She had said that she would be honest with me if I told her, but I doubted she would be honest if I asked her straight out if she was Bella. I should be smarter than that. I didn't want to ruin this.

_Dyow: ^^ Can u tell me a little bit about her? _

This was easy. I could do that.

_You: She just moved here and she's my new lab partner._

_Dyow: Is she pretty? _

_You: No... She's beautiful. She's perfect. _

_Dyow: Why are u afraid of rejection? _

I sighed.

_You: Because she's SO out my league. _

_Dyow: Why do u think that? _

_You: Because I'm just a loser... No one notices me. _

_Dyow: I noticed u. _

_You: But u don't know what I look like... _

_Dyow: Yes I do... u told me remember. _

_You: That's not the same... u've never seen me. _

_Dyow: Maybe I have... _

I stared at the screen. I really couldn't ask her. She would deny it whether it was true or not.

_Dyow: Why don't u just talk to her... _

_You: I did... sort of.. I don't really know what to say to her... _

_Dyow: I don't think that matters... She doesn't talk to u? _

_You: No, she does. We're doing a project together, so she has to. _

_Dyow: A project? _

_You: Yeah... biology. She's coming over on Wednesday. I'm already dreading it. _

_Dyow: Why? _

_You: Because I'll probably make a fool of myself... I really don't know what to say to her... _

_Dyow: Well.. u are not afraid to talk to me and I'm a girl... _

_You: This is easier somehow... _

_Dyow: Yeah... I get that... I find it very easy to talk to u too. _

_You: I'm sure u are not shy in real life... _

_Dyow: What makes u think that? _

_You: Just a feeling... _

_Dyow: Everyone's afraid of rejection... me 2. _

_You: U like someone as well? _

_Dyow: Yeah... _

_You: I'm sure he likes u 2... _

_Dyow: I hope he still likes me when he gets to know me better... _

_You: I'm sure he will... _

_Dyow: I doubt it... _

_You: Why? _

_Dyow: Because... he doesn't really know anything about me yet... _

_You: I don't really know anything about u either... but I like you. _

_Dyow: U won't when u know everything... _

_You: That's hard to imagine... _

What was she talking about? If this was Bella, not liking her was an impossibility. I would always like her, no matter what.

_Dyow: U are very sweet... _

_You: I wish Bella would feel the same way... _

_Dyow: I'm sure she does... _

Well, if you're really Bella than I would love to take your word for it. This was getting weirder and weirder every day. I wanted to know. I wanted to know so bad. But what would I do if she really was Bella? Die of shame because I had admitted I liked her? Probably.

But if she really was Bella, then that meant that she liked me too, right? I thought about that for a minute. Right, as if. She could never like me the way I liked her.

But she would probably wear another shirt that would someone reflect this conversation. It was hard to believe that this was really Bella I was talking to, but I had no other explanation so far. All those shirts... I had been shocked when I saw what she had worn today.

_Kiss me, stupid! _

Could it really just be a coincidence?

* * *

_**Okay, please let me know what you think! Your reviews mean the world to me! ^^ I'll update again soon! **_

_**X. **_

_**Jo.**_


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